Happy Friday!  Congratulations on making it through another February.  Spring is just around the corner! Let’s kick-off the weekend with some March Jokes!

Enjoy!

 A roaring start to March will bring ewe a magnificent end to the month. Trust me, I’m not lion!

Sometimes it feels like February will last forever, but time Marches on.

I asked my friend when his birthday was, he said March 1st.  So, I walked around the room and asked him again.

I hear there’s a march for people that love the third month of the year.

This year, celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact, eat two, Brute.

I know people that are named after April and May.  I do not know anyone named March, that would be madness.

I heard about a guy who proposed to his girlfriend on St Patrick’s Day with a cubic zirconium ring.  It was a sham rock.

Is the best music to play during the third month March-iachi?

What did Sir Mix-a-Lot say to the sprouting March flowers?  I like big buds and I cannot lie!

Did you hear about the flower that couldn’t ride its bike because it lost its petals?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“March, when days are getting long, Let thy growing hours be strong to set right some wintry wrong.” ~ Caroline May

You can catch my latest podcast at this link – https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/episode/inflation-and-the-tooth-fairy-154007456/

Happy Friday! We are already to the last Friday in February!  They say that one needs to learn to laugh at oneself, so how about a dose of self-deprecating jokes to kick off this Friday?

Enjoy!

I used to be indecisive. Now, I don’t think I’m quite sure anymore.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

The only abs I have are abnormalities.

I question my sanity a lot of times. Every now and then, it replies.

Some days I feel like life is just a one big test and I forgot to study for it.

Life is like a box of chocolates. But for some reason, I got the round dark chocolate with orange flavor in the middle.

I chuckle whenever people try to figure what’s going on in my head. Like, good luck, I can’t even figure myself out.

Feel free to use me as a bad example. That way, I won’t be totally useless.

I’m only posting on social media so everyone else can feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.” ~ Epictetus

Please check out my podcast at this link https://www.deezer.com/en/show/1000572162

Happy Friday and welcome to February! Congratulations on surviving another January.  Today is Ground Hog Day and I do not know if ‘ole Phil will see his shadow or not, but regardless of whether we have six more weeks of winter, don’t get angry with me.

Enjoy!

When I first got my memory foam pillow, I would punch it to control my anger. Now it has memorized all my moves and I live in constant fear.

At work today, I became so angry that I just smashed my keyboard. I lost Ctrl.

I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank.  I have no words to describe my anger.

In today’s mail, there was a flier about anger management. I lost it.

I read a news story about a mime artist who tried to become an anger management counselor, eventually he drove everyone up the wall.

Some people get angry when their cell phone runs out of power: they just need to find an outlet.

Would you call your mother’s angry French sister your croissant?

Did you hear about the angry baker who went to therapy?  He kneaded it.

Did you hear about the mad barber who cut hair with sheer anger?

The other day, I slapped my violin out of anger, is that considered domestic violins?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Anger is never without a Reason, but seldom with a good One.” ~Benjamin Franklin

Check at my podcast at the link below!

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165

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If you enjoy the Friday Funny, check out my podcast at the link above!

Happy Friday!  Congratulations for making it to the last Friday in January!  Have a great weekend and it is on to February!

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy who evaporated? I imagine he’ll be mist.

Did you hear about the tomb they discovered in Egypt that was filled with hazelnuts and chocolate? They believe it belonged to Pharaoh Rocher.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for carrying a gun made out of Jello? They charged him with carrying a congealed weapon.

Did you hear about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic? He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

Did you hear about the cyber-criminal who got away? Apparently, they ransomware.

Did you hear about that giant monster that only eats nuclear reactors?  He is on a plant based diet.

Did you hear the joke about the bank robber who fell into a combine harvester?  He’s out on bale.

Did you hear about the existential pirate? Me thinks, therefore me arrrr!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet Act 4, Scene 5

Happy Friday!  I heard this week Elvis would have turned 89 if he were alive. So, let’s kick off the weekend with some Elvis jokes.  Thank you, thank you very much.

Enjoy!

I went to see an Elvis impersonator last night, but I got there too late., apparently, he had left the building.

I am thinking about opening a chain of Elvis-themed Chicken Strip restaurants.  I think I will call them “Love Me Tenders”.

I recently saw an Arab Elvis impersonator.  His name was Amal Shookup.

I used to have a pet mouse named Elvis.  He got caught in a trap.

I try to be like Elvis and wear Blue Suede Shoes most of the time, but if I cannot find them, I settle for my Jailhouse Crocs.

I read that when Elvis was in the army that his main job was to look for Suspicious Mines.

The other day, I saw a guy at Lowe’s who looked just like Elvis. He returned a sander.

How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One for the money, two for the show.

Did you hear about the bus full of Elvis enthusiasts that crashed on their way to an Elvis convention?  Witnesses report that no one was injured but they’re all shook up.

Q: What’s green and sings?  A: Elvis Parsely 

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

 “Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t going away.” ~ Elvis Presley