Happy Friday. After much contemplation, we are finally ready to give up our LAN line which made me think it was time for some more pone jokes.

Enjoy!

I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to $5 bill underneath it, I guess it must have been the Blue-tooth fairy

Is it true that the crow alighted on the telephone pole because he wanted to make a long distance caw?

You know, I just cannot picture myself without a camera phone.

I heard that is hard to contact a pirate because he always leaves his phone off the hook.

Fun Fact: On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call. Ten minutes later, he learned his auto warranty had expired.

Is it true that the burger was sitting by the phone incase onion rings?

Is it true that a horse only talks on the phone whinny wants to?

I put my phone into airplane mode, but it is not a very good transformer.

I enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone, you might say it is my Dad-a-base.

I once tried to get a job as a telephone operator; however, I sort of phoned in the interview and the HR Director did not think it was my true calling –  so I’ve put those plans on hold for now.

I was going to list several more phone pun but I decided they were uncalled for.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Cell phones are so convenient that they’re an inconvenience.”~ Haruki Murakami

During man’s time on earth, he has managed to create many instruments, some are majestic and wonderful that then there are some that are just not cool.  Take the ukulele for instance; can you really take anyone seriously who is holding a ukulele?  What about the cow bell?  Have you ever met anyone who could say with a straight face, “I have been seriously studying cow bell playing for quite some time now”?  I played the violin for a few years in grade school, it is impossible to be a cool guy and play the violin.  (By the way- what did my violin and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone was happy when the case was closed!)  Then there is the accordion – half a keyboard on one side and random buttons on the other with bellows in between.

Yet, as un-cool as those are, none can come close to bagpipes.  One can only speculate as to why they were invented in the first place and why they are not buried in the dust bin of history.  A few bagpipe questions for you to ponder:

Is it true that bagpipers walk when they play to get away from the noise?

Is it true that the difference between a bagpipe and an onion is that no one cries when you chop up a bagpipe?

I heard that playing a bagpipe is kind of like throwing a javelin blindfolded, with either you don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.

Is it true that the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe is that you can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.

Do you know how can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? Someone is blowing into it.

I heard that the definition of a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t.

You know there is one sound worse than a bagpipe, we just have not figured out what it is yet.

Thought for the Week

“I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig.” ~ Alfred Hitchcock

Happy Friday! Congratulations for making it to the halfway point of another year!

Last night I was tossing and turning quite a bit, so I figured I might as well share some sleep jokes this week.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the meatball told the spaghetti to close its eyes and go to sleep because it was pasta bedtime?

Is it true that sheep get to sleep by counting their friends?

Is it true that clowns have stiff necks because they sleep funny?

If a king sleeps on a king-size mattress and a queen sleeps on a queen-size mattress, would a prince sleep on an heir mattress?

Did you know that there is an actual clinical name for the condition where you can’t sleep and just eat instead?  It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia

I used to have a problem being late all the time.  My doctor recommended sleeping in an herb garden. I know that sounds weird but now, I wake up on thyme.

I was going to take a week off from work to break my personal sleep record, unfortunately my family was not supportive of my dream.

I saw where thieves broke into the grocery and stole all of the coffee. I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

This morning I found stir fry all over my bed, guess I must have been sleep wok-ing again.

I fell asleep beside the kitchen sink, now I feel completely drained.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” ~ Irish Proverb