Happy Friday!  Seems like as good a time as any for some grammar jokes – grammar not grandma.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the noun and the verb that went on a date?  They couldn’t agree on anything.

Did you hear about the noun that broke up with the apostrophe because he was too possessive?

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.

Did you hear about the student who got hit in the head with a grammar book? He’s still in a comma.

Did you know that you cannot run through a campsite? You can only ran since its past tents.

A question mark and an exclamation mark went to a movie.  Neither one liked it, it was a period piece.

What did the intransitive verb say when someone said it was pretty? Nothing – intransitive verbs can’t take complements.

When I was young, there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew Y.

When an English teacher is upset, should you comfort her by gently saying “there, they’re, their”?

How many grammar teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Too.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with.” ~ Winston S. Churchill

Happy Friday and welcome to May! How about some geography jokes to kick off the month?

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cartographer who got kicked out of map making club because he had a bad latitude?

Did you hear about the geographer who a job at a bakery because he wanted to study the earth’s crust?

I once was dumped by a girl who was a geography major. I guess she let me know where I stood with her.

Is it true that the highest form of flattery is a plateau?

Is it true that geographers do not like to go to parties because they always feel a little out of place?

Did you know that impatient people do not like learning about longitude and latitude? Seems they absolutely hate long lines.

I find mountains have a great sense of humor, they are simply hill-areas.

I guess I need to brush up on my geography.  I purchased a my new TV and the box was marked “Built In Antenna.” I am embarrassed to say that I have no idea where Antenna is.

I admit that I am not very good at geography.  However, I know the name of one city in France, which is Nice.

The other day I heard the best geography joke.  I was going to end with it but you had to be there.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Everything has to do with geography.” ~ Judy Martz

Happy Friday!  Here is a serving of random jokes to kick off your Friday.

Enjoy!

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.  One asks the other, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

I made a playlist to take me when I go hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. It’s my trail mix.

I recently went to a concert to hear a band by the name of Duvet. They’re a cover band.

Is it true that Noah kept his bees in the Ark Hives?

Is it true that the leading cause of dry skin is towels?

I bought one of my sons an elephant for his room. He said, “Thank you.” I said, “Don’t mention it.”

The other day I was wondering why there so many different kinds of pasta. The I thought “If I just had a penne for every time I asked myself this question.”

Would you call a magician who lost their magic Ian?

Would you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz, Cheese Was?

Would you call birds who stick together vel-crows?

I am considering having a chip implanted in my body but I cannot decide between cool ranch or barbeque.

I decided to take took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

I heard that the reason why cow-milking stools only have three legs is because the cow’s got the udder.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Deep and simple are far, far more important than shallow and complicated and fancy. “ ~ Fred Rogers