Happy Friday!  Happy September!  Happy Labor Day!  Around here the corn is getting pretty tall, so it seems like a good time for some farm related humor.

Enjoy!

Is it true that cows have hooves instead of feet because they lactose?

I heard about a farmer who had a wooden tractor. It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission and wooden work.

A farmer showed me his magic tractor, it turned into a field.

I had a friend who tore his rotator cuff while making butter on his farm. It was a really unfortunate churn of events.

Did you hear about the sad pig?  He felt he was taken for grunted.

I tried to navigate the farmer’s field but it was a maize.

If there was a horse that lived next door, would he be your neigh-bor?

The farmer was going to tell his dog a joke about sheep, but he had herd them all.

If a chicken tells jokes would that make her a comedi-hen?

I read a story about a lettuce farmer who was arrested by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.  When they dug up the grounds, they found human romaines.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.” ~ Will Rogers

 

Happy Friday!  Driving around lately I have noticed how tall the corn has gotten and that reminded me of all the hard-working farmers out there who provide the food we enjoy everyday.  So, in their honor, here are a few farmer related jokes.

Enjoy!

Politicians Accident

A bus filled with politicians was going driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, a tire blew out causing the bus to run off the road and crash into a large tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

A Talking Cow

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer. “Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“That would be Bessie,” said the farmer. “I wouldn’t listen to her, she doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Tragic Farm Accident

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. 

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer; however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

Thought for the Week

It is not easy to walk alone in the country without musing upon something.  ~Charles Dickens

http://www.quotegarden.com