Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny July 12, 2024 Posting a Few Social Media Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Seems like we are surrounded and perhaps assaulted by social media every day. So, we might as well laugh at it too.

Enjoy!

I decided not to follow my local fence company on social media, they do not have enough posts available.

The other night I was visiting the Facebook page of a famous cook.  I wanted to look at his thyme-line.

Did you know that the difference between a bench and a social media influencer is that a bench can support a family?

Did you hear about the social media marketer who broke up with her boyfriend?  It seems there was a lack of involvement.

Did you hear about the pastor who hired a digital marketing professional because he needed help raising his conversion rates?

Did you hear about the social media marketer who took up tap dancing because he was getting paid by the click?

Did you hear about the author who could not get his Facebook posts to go viral no matter how hard he tried?  It was “The Never-trending Story.”

Did you hear about the cat who was famous on Facebook?  It’s true, she was a real social meowdia expert.

I am very pragmatic when it comes to social media.  I believe that the ends justify the memes.

If Facebook had a “no one cares” button, would it be the most clicked option?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.” ~ Andrew Carnegie

Friday Funny July 5, 2024 A Few Old Jokes

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Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July Weekend!! Time keeps marching on and I keep getting older.  I cannot change that fact, but I can laugh about it.

Enjoy!

I have increased the amount of processed foods in my diet.  I figure at my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.

I recently took an aptitude test at work.  It appears that the work I am best suited for is retirement.

I must be getting old, the last time I went to my doctor, he gave me a referral to an archaeologist.

I do not think of myself as old, I am just chronologically gifted.

I recently saw an old magician, he performed geri-hat-tricks.

I am at that age where looking in the mirror is like watching the news. I am pretty sure there will be some new developments I won’t like.

They say with age comes wisdom. I am still waiting for the wisdom part to kick in.

The older I get, the better I was.

Why is it that everyone my age is older than me?

It seems like someone saying you are aging gracefully is just a nice way of saying you are slowly looking worse.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I don’t let my age define me, but the side effects are getting harder to ignore.” ~Unknown

Friday Funny June 21, 2024 It Is So Hot!

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Happy Friday!  Summer is here and it is hot, hot, hot!  How hot is it?  I am glad you asked.

Enjoy!

It’s so hot, even my artificial flowers are wilting.

It’s so hot, my Iceberg lettuce melted.

It’s so hot, Alexa asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.

It’s so hot, I put in a DVD of Frozen and but it played Waterworld.

It’s so hot, that you can tell who has had plastic surgery.

It’s so hot, my crayons are now watercolors.

It’s so hot, Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

It’s so hot, that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.

It’s so hot, the catfish are already fried when you catch them.

It’s so hot, I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility. “ ~ Yogi Berra

Friday Funny June 13, 2024 Cicada Jokes

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Happy Friday!  I read where a good portion of the Midwest is dealing with 17-year cicadas.  We had them in Ohio a few years ago so we feel, or should I say hear, your pain!  Here are some cicada jokes to kick off your weekend.

Enjoy!

Is it true that cicadas are boring conversationalists because they don’t stop buzzing about what was cool 17 years ago?

I saw a cicada last night. The poor guy was just a hollow shell of his former self.

I heard that a cicada chef is opening a new restaurant, it’s called “Emergence-y Dining.”

Did you know that cicadas have very odd beliefs? It is true, they are all in sects.

Is it true that a cicada’s favorite game to play is ‘Hide and exoseek’?

I heard that cicadas get off the subway at the infest-station.

If life is just a game, then cicadas are not bugs, they are features.

Did you hear about the cicada who was lonely because he had no buggy to hang out with?

Is it true that the cicada called off work because she had a bug?

People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me in a way I can’t put into words.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Friday Funny May 31, 2024 A Full Serving of Jokes

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Happy Friday!  We have come to the end of May and the days are longer and warmer.  Summer is a great time for dining out, so here is a full serving of restaurant jokes.

I went to a restaurant called: “Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold.”  The menu was just desserts.

I went to a restaurant called: “Mary Poppin’s.”  I had super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

I went to this new pop-up restaurant called “Karma Chameleon.” It comes and goes.

I went to all-you-can-eat Italian restaurant, it was called “Endless Pastabilities.”

I went to a chicken themed comedy restaurant, the food was great, but the yolks were terrible.

I went to a restaurant recently and the hostess greeted me and asked, “Do you mind waiting a bit? I said “no.” “Good,” she said, “Take these appetizers to table seven.”

A few weeks ago, I was eating out and the restaurant owner offered me a free calamari appetizer if I gave him a good review on Yelp. It was squid pro quo.

Did you hear about the large restaurant chain that had a lot of trouble trying to open a new data center? It seems they can’t get enough servers.

I was at a seafood restaurant and there was an awful fight.  Several fish got battered.

The other day, I called a restaurant to make a reservation for a table for two. The person who answered the phone said that I had the wrong number, so I asked for a table for four instead.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“It is the duty of the human understanding to understand that there are things which it cannot understand.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Friday Funny May 24, 2024 Summertime Jokes

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Happy Friday!

This is Memorial Day weekend, a time set aside for honoring and mourning the U.S. military personnel who died while serving in the military. It is a bit more poignant this year as it comes less than two weeks from the 80th anniversary of D-Day.

I hope you have a nice weekend and I will kick it off with some summer-time jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that reading while you sunbathe can make you well red.

Looks like I will not be traveling very far this summer.  I have a rash and my dermatologist told me to apply the medication locally.

I told my suitcases that there would be no summer vacation.  Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

My last trip the airline lost my luggage, I tried to sue them, but unfortunately, lost my case.

I applied for a summer job with a company that makes sunscreen.  I was rejected but I think I will reapply.

Did you hear about the ice cream truck that broke down because of the rocky road?

Did you hear about the Canadian who was able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico? She had the help of a hose eh.

Would you call a Frenchman in sandals Phillipe Phloppe?

What do bees say to each other in summer? “It’s swarm, isn’t it?”

My wife insisted that we go to Stockholm in vacation. At first I didn’t want to go, but now, I don’t want to leave.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Well, everybody’s heart needs a holiday, sometime

And everyone of us needs to get away, somehow

So I’m laughing lighthearted moods, oh, the sight-seeing afternoons

And tellin’ a joke or two ’cause everyday invites you

To find your place in the sun.” ~ Pablo Cruise – “A Place in the Sun”

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It has been a few weeks since I have added a podcast episode. The latest episode looks at the most difficult and the most memorable tests I have had to take. You can find it at the link below.

Friday Funny May 17, 2024 Vacation Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is almost here and that brings the unofficial start of summer and the vacation season.  So, let’s kick off this Friday with some vacation jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the music note that went on vacation because it needed a rest?

Did you hear about the bread that went on vacation because it needed to loaf around?

Did you hear about the banker who went on vacation because he needed change?

Did you hear about the astronaut who went on vacation because he needed more space?

Did you hear about the shoe that went on vacation to do a little soul-searching?

Did you hear about the magician who went on vacation because he needed to disappear for a while?

Did you hear about the battery that went on vacation because it needed to recharge?

Did you hear about the paperclip that needed a vacation because it was bent out of shape?

Did you hear about the laptop that went on vacation because it needed to reboot?

Did you hear about the coffee maker that went on vacation to get away from the daily grind?

Did you hear about the drill that went on vacation because it was bored?

My wife says that being married to me is like being on vacation for the rest of her life, she says I was her last resort.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A vacation should be just long enough for the boss to miss you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you.” ~ Jacob Morton Braude

Friday Funny May 3, 2024 More Baseball Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is May and the baseball season is in full swing.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the baseball player shut down his website because he was not getting any hits?

Is it true that old baseball players stay in contact with one another by touching base every once in a while.

Is it true that baseball players do not join unions because they don’t like to be called out on strikes?

If you crossed a baseball pitcher with a carpet would you get a throw rug?

I heard that third base is harder to steal than second base because of the short stop in between.

I heard that if a baseball player wants to bake a cake he uses oven mitts, bundt pans and batter.

Is it true that the sausage quit playing baseball because he was the wurst on his team?

Is it true that the best place for geologists to play baseball is in the miner leagues?

I was going to tell you a joke about a pop fly but it is over your head.

The best baseball jokes will leave you in stitches.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.” ~ Hank Aaron

Friday Funny April 26, 2024 A Crop of Farm Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Spring is in the air and farmers are hard at work.  So, let’s kick off the weekend with some farming jokes.

Enjoy!

Why couldn’t the bankrupt cattle farmer complain?  Because he’s got no beef.

Is it true that farmers count their cattle with a cow-culator?

If you get promoted to senior director at Old MacDonald’s Farm does that make you the CIEIO?

I heard that the way to get a farm girl to like you is a tractor.

I read a story about someone who died making butter on his farm, it was a really unfortunate churn of events.

I heard that farmers tend to save their computer files as jpig’s.

I was thinking about starting a new business farming microscopic fish, it’s a small-scale operation.

Did you hear about the farmer who planted old cars in this field? I hear he had a bumper crop.

I heard that agriculture is a great college major, seems you can always find a job in your field.

I had to quit my job at the organic parsley farm.  They kept garnishing my wages.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 19, 2024 Spring Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is past the mid-point of April, tax day is behind us and spring is in the air!

Enjoy!

Well, my winter fat is gone and now I have spring rolls.

I heard that on a sunny spring day that sheep like to have a baa-baa cue.

Did you hear about the flower that cold not ride its bike because it lost its petals?

Would you call a well-dressed king of the jungle a dandy lion?

It’s allergy season again? You’ve got to be pollen my leg.

I hear that the best time to wash your Slink is during spring cleaning.

I hear that there is an invasive species of earthworms that are rapidly spreading around the world.  It is a real case of Global Worming.

I hear that the plants that are best at math are the ones with square roots.

I have a good friend who is a writer, every spring she suffers with bad allegories.

Is the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll seasoning?

I hear that it is hardest to plant flowers when you haven’t botany.

There are 5 seasons: Winter, Summer, Autumn, Spring, and Tax Season.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” ~ William Shakespeare