Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny August 16, 2024 Back to School Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Summer flew by and it is now back to school time!  That means it is time for some back-to-school jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the echo who got detention the first day of school because she kept answering back?

Did you hear about the surfer who went to boarding school?

Did you hear about the music teacher who took a ladder to school to reach the high notes?

Did you know that science teachers keep their breath with experi-mints?

Did you know that the favorite meal of a math teacher is a square meal with pi for dessert?

Did you hear about the student who dropped the accounting course because it was too taxing?

Did you hear about the computer who was late for school because he had a hard drive?

I heard they were removing clocks from school libraries because they tock too much.

Did you hear about the English teacher who liked to eat synonym rolls for breakfast?

Is it true that a snake’s favorite subject in school is hiss-tory?

Did you know that the best way to get straight A’s is by using a ruler?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.” ~ Unknown

Friday Funny August 2, 2024 Olympic Jokes

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Happy Friday!  With the Olympics going on in Paris, seems like an appropriate time for some Olympic-themed jokes.

Enjoy!

I recently competed in the suntanning Olympics, I only got bronze.

I recently competed in the insomnia Olympics, you snooze, you lose.

I recently competed in seafood Olympics, I got the prawns medal.

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport, I doubt I would get a medal.

My tryout for the Olympic diving team was a flop, but I made quite a splash with the judges.

Sadly, being a procrastinator prevented me going to the Olympics. For the Olympics one needs to be an amateurcrastinator.

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would shoot for coming in fourth so I would not have to walk up to the podium.

Is it true that Olympic runners do not eat anything the day before they run because they fast?

Is it true that a gymnast’s favorite spice is somer-salts?

A gymnast walks into a bar, she received a two-point deduction and ruined her chance of a winning a medal.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I Didn’t Set Out to Beat the World; I Just Set Out to Do My Absolute Best.”~ Al Oerter – four-time Olympic Champion in the discus throw

Friday Funny July 26, 2024 More Dog Days of Summer Jokes

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Happy Friday! We are approaching the end of July and heading into August.  I suppose you could say we are heading into the Dog Days of Summer.  So, why not some dog jokes this week?

Enjoy!

A friend told me that every day when he gets home, he asks his dog how his day was, and every day he always receives the same reply, “Ruff.”

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith, as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

The other day, I thought I saw a white dog, but after I spotted it I noticed it looked more like a Dalmatian.

I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well, he’s a good buoy!

Did you hear about the dog who was stealing shingles because he wanted to become a woofer?

I heard that the difference between a businessman and a warm dog is that the businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.

I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except the bark is much quieter.

Did you know that Corgi are not funny because all of them are really short?

If you connect a Corgi to a battery, would you get a short circuit?

Would you call a large dog that meditates an aware wolf?

Doesn’t it seem odd that dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings since it is almost never for them?

I have prepared a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you send me $19.95 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The tales of summer are as endless as the heatwaves that ripple across the horizon.” ~ Renee Ahdieh

PODCAST ALERT!!

You can check out the latest episode of “Leonard Looks At Life” at this link: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/episode/time-is-money-199043446/

Friday Funny July 12, 2024 Posting a Few Social Media Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Seems like we are surrounded and perhaps assaulted by social media every day. So, we might as well laugh at it too.

Enjoy!

I decided not to follow my local fence company on social media, they do not have enough posts available.

The other night I was visiting the Facebook page of a famous cook.  I wanted to look at his thyme-line.

Did you know that the difference between a bench and a social media influencer is that a bench can support a family?

Did you hear about the social media marketer who broke up with her boyfriend?  It seems there was a lack of involvement.

Did you hear about the pastor who hired a digital marketing professional because he needed help raising his conversion rates?

Did you hear about the social media marketer who took up tap dancing because he was getting paid by the click?

Did you hear about the author who could not get his Facebook posts to go viral no matter how hard he tried?  It was “The Never-trending Story.”

Did you hear about the cat who was famous on Facebook?  It’s true, she was a real social meowdia expert.

I am very pragmatic when it comes to social media.  I believe that the ends justify the memes.

If Facebook had a “no one cares” button, would it be the most clicked option?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.” ~ Andrew Carnegie

Friday Funny July 5, 2024 A Few Old Jokes

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Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July Weekend!! Time keeps marching on and I keep getting older.  I cannot change that fact, but I can laugh about it.

Enjoy!

I have increased the amount of processed foods in my diet.  I figure at my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.

I recently took an aptitude test at work.  It appears that the work I am best suited for is retirement.

I must be getting old, the last time I went to my doctor, he gave me a referral to an archaeologist.

I do not think of myself as old, I am just chronologically gifted.

I recently saw an old magician, he performed geri-hat-tricks.

I am at that age where looking in the mirror is like watching the news. I am pretty sure there will be some new developments I won’t like.

They say with age comes wisdom. I am still waiting for the wisdom part to kick in.

The older I get, the better I was.

Why is it that everyone my age is older than me?

It seems like someone saying you are aging gracefully is just a nice way of saying you are slowly looking worse.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I don’t let my age define me, but the side effects are getting harder to ignore.” ~Unknown

Friday Funny June 21, 2024 It Is So Hot!

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Happy Friday!  Summer is here and it is hot, hot, hot!  How hot is it?  I am glad you asked.

Enjoy!

It’s so hot, even my artificial flowers are wilting.

It’s so hot, my Iceberg lettuce melted.

It’s so hot, Alexa asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.

It’s so hot, I put in a DVD of Frozen and but it played Waterworld.

It’s so hot, that you can tell who has had plastic surgery.

It’s so hot, my crayons are now watercolors.

It’s so hot, Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

It’s so hot, that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.

It’s so hot, the catfish are already fried when you catch them.

It’s so hot, I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility. “ ~ Yogi Berra

Friday Funny June 13, 2024 Cicada Jokes

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Happy Friday!  I read where a good portion of the Midwest is dealing with 17-year cicadas.  We had them in Ohio a few years ago so we feel, or should I say hear, your pain!  Here are some cicada jokes to kick off your weekend.

Enjoy!

Is it true that cicadas are boring conversationalists because they don’t stop buzzing about what was cool 17 years ago?

I saw a cicada last night. The poor guy was just a hollow shell of his former self.

I heard that a cicada chef is opening a new restaurant, it’s called “Emergence-y Dining.”

Did you know that cicadas have very odd beliefs? It is true, they are all in sects.

Is it true that a cicada’s favorite game to play is ‘Hide and exoseek’?

I heard that cicadas get off the subway at the infest-station.

If life is just a game, then cicadas are not bugs, they are features.

Did you hear about the cicada who was lonely because he had no buggy to hang out with?

Is it true that the cicada called off work because she had a bug?

People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me in a way I can’t put into words.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Friday Funny May 31, 2024 A Full Serving of Jokes

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Happy Friday!  We have come to the end of May and the days are longer and warmer.  Summer is a great time for dining out, so here is a full serving of restaurant jokes.

I went to a restaurant called: “Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold.”  The menu was just desserts.

I went to a restaurant called: “Mary Poppin’s.”  I had super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

I went to this new pop-up restaurant called “Karma Chameleon.” It comes and goes.

I went to all-you-can-eat Italian restaurant, it was called “Endless Pastabilities.”

I went to a chicken themed comedy restaurant, the food was great, but the yolks were terrible.

I went to a restaurant recently and the hostess greeted me and asked, “Do you mind waiting a bit? I said “no.” “Good,” she said, “Take these appetizers to table seven.”

A few weeks ago, I was eating out and the restaurant owner offered me a free calamari appetizer if I gave him a good review on Yelp. It was squid pro quo.

Did you hear about the large restaurant chain that had a lot of trouble trying to open a new data center? It seems they can’t get enough servers.

I was at a seafood restaurant and there was an awful fight.  Several fish got battered.

The other day, I called a restaurant to make a reservation for a table for two. The person who answered the phone said that I had the wrong number, so I asked for a table for four instead.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“It is the duty of the human understanding to understand that there are things which it cannot understand.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Friday Funny May 24, 2024 Summertime Jokes

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Happy Friday!

This is Memorial Day weekend, a time set aside for honoring and mourning the U.S. military personnel who died while serving in the military. It is a bit more poignant this year as it comes less than two weeks from the 80th anniversary of D-Day.

I hope you have a nice weekend and I will kick it off with some summer-time jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that reading while you sunbathe can make you well red.

Looks like I will not be traveling very far this summer.  I have a rash and my dermatologist told me to apply the medication locally.

I told my suitcases that there would be no summer vacation.  Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

My last trip the airline lost my luggage, I tried to sue them, but unfortunately, lost my case.

I applied for a summer job with a company that makes sunscreen.  I was rejected but I think I will reapply.

Did you hear about the ice cream truck that broke down because of the rocky road?

Did you hear about the Canadian who was able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico? She had the help of a hose eh.

Would you call a Frenchman in sandals Phillipe Phloppe?

What do bees say to each other in summer? “It’s swarm, isn’t it?”

My wife insisted that we go to Stockholm in vacation. At first I didn’t want to go, but now, I don’t want to leave.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Well, everybody’s heart needs a holiday, sometime

And everyone of us needs to get away, somehow

So I’m laughing lighthearted moods, oh, the sight-seeing afternoons

And tellin’ a joke or two ’cause everyday invites you

To find your place in the sun.” ~ Pablo Cruise – “A Place in the Sun”

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It has been a few weeks since I have added a podcast episode. The latest episode looks at the most difficult and the most memorable tests I have had to take. You can find it at the link below.

Friday Funny May 17, 2024 Vacation Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is almost here and that brings the unofficial start of summer and the vacation season.  So, let’s kick off this Friday with some vacation jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the music note that went on vacation because it needed a rest?

Did you hear about the bread that went on vacation because it needed to loaf around?

Did you hear about the banker who went on vacation because he needed change?

Did you hear about the astronaut who went on vacation because he needed more space?

Did you hear about the shoe that went on vacation to do a little soul-searching?

Did you hear about the magician who went on vacation because he needed to disappear for a while?

Did you hear about the battery that went on vacation because it needed to recharge?

Did you hear about the paperclip that needed a vacation because it was bent out of shape?

Did you hear about the laptop that went on vacation because it needed to reboot?

Did you hear about the coffee maker that went on vacation to get away from the daily grind?

Did you hear about the drill that went on vacation because it was bored?

My wife says that being married to me is like being on vacation for the rest of her life, she says I was her last resort.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A vacation should be just long enough for the boss to miss you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you.” ~ Jacob Morton Braude