Category Archives: Holidays

Friday Funny November 22, 2024 A Baker’s Dozen of Thanksgiving Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is hard to believe that this is the Friday before Thanksgiving!  I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for letting me bring you a few laughs.

Thanks to you, this blog has had more than 20,000 views this year!

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cranberries that turned red because they saw the turkey dressing?

How many bakers does it take to make a pie? 3.14.

If turkeys had a prom would it be called the Butterball?

Would you call an especially attractive pilgrim a puri-ten?

Do sweet potatoes wear their yammies to bed?

Is it true that turkeys gobble because they never learned table manners?

Did you know that little pumpkins cross the road with the help of a crossing gourd?

Did you know that the preferred drinking glass for a turkey is a goblet?

Did you hear about the turkey that wanted to play baseball so that he could cover first baste?

If you are having a Friendsgiving would you invite a group of pal-grims?

Did you hear about the green beans that tried out to be in the Thanksgiving play? They landed the casse-role.

Last Thanksgiving a policeman pulled me over on my way home for exceeding the feed limit.

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

THOUGHT DOR THE WEEK

“When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”

~ Johnson Oatman, Jr.

If you enjoy the blog, and even if you don’t – jump over to the podcast “Leonard Looks at Life.” Here is a link to the newest episode: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/episode/connecting-with-the-past-240188092/

Friday Funny (Monday Extra) October 28, 2024 Even More Halloween Jokes

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Happy Friday- I mean Monday. I missed sending a funny last Friday, but with Halloween at the doorstep, I could not resist some Halloween Jokes.

Enjoy!

If a ghost cow laughed, would it go “Moo-ha-ha-ha”?

Do little ghosts have to fasten their sheet belts when they get in the car?

Would you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts a Pharaoh Roche?

Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest that was won by no body?

I heard that a vampire’s favorite fruit is a Neck-tarine.

I heard that when a skeleton wants to   go for a fun night, he is always looking for a hip joint.

Is it true that vampires do not like being investment bankers because they do not like stakeholders?

If a pumpkin was a minister would it preach from the pulp-it?

Is it true that skeletons cannot play church music because they have no organs?

I have more skeleton jokes, but I did not think you would find them very humerus.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You’ve heard of the fury of a woman scorned, haven’t you? Well, that’s nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks-or-treats.” ~ Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Friday Funny July 5, 2024 A Few Old Jokes

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Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July Weekend!! Time keeps marching on and I keep getting older.  I cannot change that fact, but I can laugh about it.

Enjoy!

I have increased the amount of processed foods in my diet.  I figure at my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.

I recently took an aptitude test at work.  It appears that the work I am best suited for is retirement.

I must be getting old, the last time I went to my doctor, he gave me a referral to an archaeologist.

I do not think of myself as old, I am just chronologically gifted.

I recently saw an old magician, he performed geri-hat-tricks.

I am at that age where looking in the mirror is like watching the news. I am pretty sure there will be some new developments I won’t like.

They say with age comes wisdom. I am still waiting for the wisdom part to kick in.

The older I get, the better I was.

Why is it that everyone my age is older than me?

It seems like someone saying you are aging gracefully is just a nice way of saying you are slowly looking worse.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I don’t let my age define me, but the side effects are getting harder to ignore.” ~Unknown

Friday Funny May 24, 2024 Summertime Jokes

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Happy Friday!

This is Memorial Day weekend, a time set aside for honoring and mourning the U.S. military personnel who died while serving in the military. It is a bit more poignant this year as it comes less than two weeks from the 80th anniversary of D-Day.

I hope you have a nice weekend and I will kick it off with some summer-time jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that reading while you sunbathe can make you well red.

Looks like I will not be traveling very far this summer.  I have a rash and my dermatologist told me to apply the medication locally.

I told my suitcases that there would be no summer vacation.  Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

My last trip the airline lost my luggage, I tried to sue them, but unfortunately, lost my case.

I applied for a summer job with a company that makes sunscreen.  I was rejected but I think I will reapply.

Did you hear about the ice cream truck that broke down because of the rocky road?

Did you hear about the Canadian who was able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico? She had the help of a hose eh.

Would you call a Frenchman in sandals Phillipe Phloppe?

What do bees say to each other in summer? “It’s swarm, isn’t it?”

My wife insisted that we go to Stockholm in vacation. At first I didn’t want to go, but now, I don’t want to leave.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Well, everybody’s heart needs a holiday, sometime

And everyone of us needs to get away, somehow

So I’m laughing lighthearted moods, oh, the sight-seeing afternoons

And tellin’ a joke or two ’cause everyday invites you

To find your place in the sun.” ~ Pablo Cruise – “A Place in the Sun”

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It has been a few weeks since I have added a podcast episode. The latest episode looks at the most difficult and the most memorable tests I have had to take. You can find it at the link below.

Friday Funny May 17, 2024 Vacation Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is almost here and that brings the unofficial start of summer and the vacation season.  So, let’s kick off this Friday with some vacation jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the music note that went on vacation because it needed a rest?

Did you hear about the bread that went on vacation because it needed to loaf around?

Did you hear about the banker who went on vacation because he needed change?

Did you hear about the astronaut who went on vacation because he needed more space?

Did you hear about the shoe that went on vacation to do a little soul-searching?

Did you hear about the magician who went on vacation because he needed to disappear for a while?

Did you hear about the battery that went on vacation because it needed to recharge?

Did you hear about the paperclip that needed a vacation because it was bent out of shape?

Did you hear about the laptop that went on vacation because it needed to reboot?

Did you hear about the coffee maker that went on vacation to get away from the daily grind?

Did you hear about the drill that went on vacation because it was bored?

My wife says that being married to me is like being on vacation for the rest of her life, she says I was her last resort.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A vacation should be just long enough for the boss to miss you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you.” ~ Jacob Morton Braude

Friday Funny March 29, 2024 Easter Bunny Jokes

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Happy Friday and Happy Easter!  I thought I would break out some Easter Bunny jokes for you this week.

Enjoy!

The other day I was in an elevator with the Easter Bunny, it was a hare raising experience.

If you crossed a rabbit with a shellfish, would you get the oyster bunny?

If you crossed a rabbit with a frog, would you get a bunny ribbit?

Would you call an unconventional Easter egg – egg-centric?

Would you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards a receding hare-line?

Would you call someone who isn’t sure if the Easter Bunny is real an Eggnostic?

Is it true that Peter Cottontail goes hopping down the bunny trail because he is too young to drive?

Is it true that the best way to tell which rabbits are getting old is to look for the gray hares?

I heard that the reason why people paint eggs for Easter is that it is a lot easier than trying to wallpaper them.

I have more Easter Egg jokes that I was going use, but they are not all that they are cracked up to be.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The great gift of Easter is hope.”~ Basil C. Hume

Friday Funny December 29, 2023 Jokes to Ring In 2024

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Happy New Year!  It is time to say “goodbye” to 2023 and “welcome” to 2024.  I want to thank you for letting me invade your Fridays in 2023.  I wish you peace and joy in 2024! 

Enjoy!

It is almost New Year’s Eve and I am having a bout of auld-langietxy about what my New Year’s resolutions should be.

You could be like Dr. Frankenstein and have a New Year’s resolution to make new friends.

I find it interesting that every New Year’s Eve, I look forward to tuning into a good show at Time’s Square, yet year after year, they drop the ball.

Last New Year’s Eve close to midnight, Dracula passed out and there was a count down.

Is it true that soccer players are the worst at following through with their New Year’s resolutions because they always seem to be running away from their goals?

My New Years resolution is to eat 1200 calories a day. I am pretty confident I can surpass that goal on a regular basis.

A few Dad jokes to close out the year:

I have this amazing ability that I can tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.  I can also tell when they are standing.

My computer is mad at my printer, apparently it didn’t like its toner voice.

Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? It seems they only permit a low “ha.”

Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Friday Funny December 22, 2023 One More Batch of Christmas Jokes.

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Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!  Christmas is just a few days away and I have one more batch of Christmas jokes just for you.

Enjoy!

Is it true that at Christmas, sheep send each other wool-tide bleatings?

At Christmas, do sheep say Merry Christmas to ewe?

Is it true that a lamb’s favorite Christmas carol is “Have Yourself a Mary Little Christmas”?

Would a sheep greet you at Christmas with Fleece Navidad?

Is it true that Scrooge kept a pet lamb because it would say, “Baaa humbug!”?

Is it true that Santa’s favorite U.S state is Idaho-ho-ho?

I recently read a story about a guy who stole an Advent Calendar. He got 25 days.

You know why you never see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care!

I heard that when Santa has an elf who misbehaves, he gives them the sack.

I heard that the Christmas tree went toe the barber shop because it needed to be trimmed.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” ~ Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol

Friday Funny December 15, 2023 More Christmas Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Less than a week of the days getting shorter and less than two weeks until Christmas!  In the spirit of the season, here are some more Christmas jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that if you eat Christmas decorations you will get tinsel-it-is?

I heard that when reindeer have sleepovers, they like to play truth or deer.

Is it true that a Christmas tree’s favorite candy is orna-mints?

I heard that Rudolph had to attend summer school because he went down in history.

If someone has lost their Christmas spirit, should you nurse them back to elf?

Is it true that on the day after Christmas, the elves clean Santa’s sleigh using Santa-tizer?

I heard that snow globes never get scared; however, they do occasionally get shaken.

Is it true that Christmas trees do not knit because they keeping dropping their needles?

I heard that Santa uses a GPS because he doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.

If Santa’s sleigh broke down, would he need to get mistle-toed?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men in whom he is well pleased.” ~ Luke 2:13-14

Friday Funny December 8, 2023, Even More Christmas Mondegreens

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Happy Friday!  It is time to pullout some more Christmas mondegreens!  (A mondegreen is a word or phrase that results from mishearing or misinterpreting a statement or song lyric.) So, have a chuckle at some mangled song lyrics.

Enjoy!

All I Want for Christmas

Misheard lyric: “Take back the Harley and mistletoe”

Correct lyric: “Take back the holly and mistletoe”

Frosty the Snowman

Misheard lyric: “With a broom stuck in his head”

Correct lyric: “With a broom stuck in his hand”

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Misquoted lyric: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from outhouse on Christmas Eve”

Correct lyric: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house on Christmas Eve”

Winter Wonderland

Misheard lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he is sparse and brown”

Correct lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he is Parson Brown”

White Christmas

Misheard lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, with every Christmas card arrived”

Correct lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, with every Christmas card I write”

“Good King Wenceslas”

Misheard lyric: “Gath’ring wine and gruel”

Correct lyric: “Gath’ring winter fuel”

Joy to the World

Misheard lyric: “Let men their sins enjoy”

Correct lyric: “Let men then songs employ”

God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

Misheard lyric: “God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing through this May”

Correct lyric: “God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay”

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Misheard Lyric: “He’ll seize you when you’re sleeping”

Correct Lyric: “He sees you when you’re sleeping”

Away In a Manger

Misheard Lyric: “The cattle are blowing the poor baby away”

Correct Lyric: “The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes.”

Auld Lang Syne”  

 Misheard Lyric: “And make the old man cry”

Correct Lyrics: “And days of auld lang syne”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day; it’s a frame of mind.” ~ Kris Kringle in “Miracle on 34th Street.