Baseball season is upon us!  Once again all fans are full of hope that this will be “the year” for their team ….even if those hope are destined to be dashed before the end of May.  

As far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed baseball.  I can remember being disappointed in second grade when many of my classmates were old enough to play baseball, but because my birthday was after the cutoff date the only thing I could do was wait for one more long year to play on a team.  

But before I ever put on a hot, scratchy, wool Little League uniform, I had played hours upon hours of baseball.   I do almost everything right-handed; however, anything with a two-handed grip, I do left-handed.  There are advantages to batting left-handed:  it puts you a step closer to first base plus your momentum is  already carrying you towards first base as you follow-through on your swing.  Despite the advantages, there is only one reason why I bat left-handed: my big brother is left-handed.  

If you have an older brother, the odds are that you looked up to him when you were little.  Having a brother who is eight years older gave me a lot to look up to.  He was always bigger, faster, stronger, smarter than I was.  Of course there were times when he could be a pain – literally – like the time he said he was going to teach me to box which was really just an excuse to hit me for a while.  But I looked up to him and I wanted to be like him, so I started batting left-handed and always have.

He threw me an awful lot of batting practice and he had some unique approaches to teaching the art of hitting.  His cure for when I was afraid of getting hit by a pitch? He would  deliberately throw at me!  If I hit the pitch then it did not hit me.  I suppose there some twisted logic there somewhere.

I have three adult sons and two of them have always batted left-handed (the oldest just would not get with the program).  So, thanks Mike, for sharing your love of baseball with your little brother and for teaching me that “left is best.”

Happy Friday!  Another weekend is at the door.  This week, I thought I would keep things simple.  One of the simplest organisms I know of is an amoeba.  So, here is a little amoeba and microbiology humor for you.

Enjoy!

Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.

What is the only thing worse than a mecium? A paramecium. 

What is the definition of paramecium? Two Latin mice.

Why do bacteria like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.

How do amoebas stay in touch? With cell phones.

Did you know that imprisoned amoeba are only allowed a single cell?

Did you know that at the National Institutes of Health Offices, the sign on the door of the microbiology lab reads “STAPH ONLY”?

Old microbiologists never die. They just get put out to Pasteur

Knock, knock!                                                                                                                                       Who’s there?                                                                                                                                     Amoeba                                                                                                                                                   Amoeba who?                                                                                                                                     Amoeba dumb, but I’m not crazy!

Thought for the Week

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. ~John Peel

http://www.quotegarden.com

Perhaps it is mere coincidence, perhaps it is just weird, perhaps it is a sign of the coming apocalypse. I do not know, but for whatever reason there have recently been stories involving cows in the news from coast to coast.  First there was a story out of Suffield, Connecticut about a pair of cows who had escaped from their pens and were found near the front door of a house.  Local police tried to paint this in a humorous light and warned residents not to open their doors to “any unfamiliar cattle” and posted on Facebook that two “suspicious males” were going door-to-door “trying to sell dairy products.”  Perhaps this was humorous or perhaps there is something a little more sinister involved.  Perhaps the cows intentions were innocent and they just wanted to come in, sit down, take a load off their feet and chew the cud with the locals.  Or perhaps this was just the first step in a planned takeover by the cows?

Now there is a story from the West Coast out of Beaumont, California about a report of someone “seeing a cow trying to climb out of a small car parked alongside an interstate.” When authorities responded they found one calf “trying to escape” from an open truck and another crammed into the floor of the backseat.  The car had not been reported as stolen and was registered to an address some 250 miles away.  Maybe they were not trying to escape from the car, maybe the car was the mode of escape for the calves.  Of course the car was stolen – where would two calves earn enough money to buy a car for their getaway?  Again people are laughing.

But could this be the beginning of a pattern? Are cows feed up and ready to rise up and proclaim their beef to the rest of the world?  There may be more at steak here than meets the eye.  Then again perhaps I am merely spouting udder nonsense.  I could go on for heifer and heifer, but I think I have milked this for all I can.

The days are short, gloomy and cold.  This is the time of year that is well suited to stay in and watch a movie.  There are a lot of really good movies out there and there are a lot of movies out there that are not very good.  In fact there are a lot of really, really bad movies out there.  I will offer up the ten worst movies that I have every watched and you can learn from my experience or, if you are a glutton for punishment, you can dig up one of these “classics” on the internet or at the library and explore the horizon of really bad cinema.

Don’t forget the popcorn!

It Happens Every Spring (1949) – A scientist discovers a formula which causes a baseball to be repelled by wood. He promptly joins a major league baseball team and leads them to the World Series. They definitely struck out with this baseball movie.

The Food of the Gods (1976) – traveling friends discover an entire island crawling with animals that have grown to giant size. Watch out for the rats!  (Note to self – never go to an unnamed, unexplored island, nothing good ever happens on these.)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1979) – scientists band together to save the world from mutated tomatoes that KILL! You will never look at a tomato the same way again.  Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?  It makes no difference this is a bad movie, however, even a movie this bad can  have a sequel. 

Kazaam (1996) – Shaquille O’Neal stars as a powerful genie – how could this be bad?

Going Ape ( 1981) – When his father – who owned a circus – dies, Oscar inherits 5 million dollars – and 3 orangutans – stars Tony Danza and an orangutan, not sure who did the better acting.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – Martians kidnap Santa in an effort to make their bratty kids happy.

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) – Aliens resurrect dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop humans from creating the Solaranite bomb. This one is always near the top of any list of the worst movies ever made.  This one is so bad, you need to see it.

The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1962) – A doctor experimenting with transplant techniques keeps his girlfriend’s head alive when she is decapitated in a car crash. Yes, this one is a real love story.  Hard as it might be to believe, the girlfriend does not really appreciate all that the boyfriend does for her.

Ice Pirates (1984) – In the far future water is the most valuable substance. Two space pirates are captured, sold to a princess, and recruited to help her find her missing father. A Space Opera with sword fights, explosions, fighting robots, monsters, bar fights and time warps – something bad for everyone.

Yor Hunter from the Future (1983) – Yor, a prehistoric warrior, comes to question his origins, particularly with regard to a mysterious medallion he wears. When he learns of a desert goddess who supposedly wears the same medallion, Yor decides that he must find her and learn his true identity. Along the way, he encounters ape-men, dinosaurs, and a strange futuristic society. I still have no idea what this movie was about.

What is the worst movie you have ever watched?

Happy first Friday of 2017!  As you try to get back into normal mode after the holidays, you might be tempted to hit the snooze button, roll over and just forget about work.  Yet, eventually we drag ourselves out of bed, get dressed, grab a cup of coffee and head out to face another day.  However, perhaps you have hit that snooze button one too many times and now you realize that there is no way you will make it to work on time.  Now you are wondering what you will way to your boss when you arrive late for work.  Well here are some excuses NOT to use.

• I was actually here on time but I arrived in an alternate universe and it took me some time to get out of it and into this one.
• I was cutting my own hair this morning and the clippers stopped, so I had to go to a barber shop and wait until it opened so they could finish the haircut.
• I saw Bigfoot crossing the street so I parked my car and tried to follow him to take a picture.
• I had to stop and help deliver a baby at the side of the road.
• I woke up this morning on the front lawn of the house two doors down from my own house and, of course, I did not have my alarm clock with me.
• My dog got stuck in the toilet.
• I poured some cereal in a bowl for breakfast and then realized that I was out of milk, so I had to go the store to buy milk and then go back home to eat my cereal.
• Actually, I was on time but I fell asleep as soon as I parked the car.
• Funny story, I accidentally put super glue in my contact lens instead of contact solution and had to go the emergency room.
• I really thought today was a holiday.
• I was watching a movie on TV and I just had to see the end of it.
• My blow dryer shorted out so I had to wait for my hair to air dry.
• I thought someone was following me, so I used some evasive maneuvers and got lost. 
• A fortune-teller gave me the numbers for last night’s lottery jackpot, so I did not expect I would need a job today.
• I tried calling you but my phone was turned off.
•  As I was leaving the house, I got a call from a pollster, she said it would only take a few minutes, but I was on the phone with her for an hour and a half.
• They were giving away free coffee at Starbucks and the line was really long.
• I heard it was supposed to snow, so I had to go to the grocery and buy milk, bread and eggs before coming to work.
• I was dreaming about a baseball game and it went into extra innings.
•  My phone is set to the wrong time zone. It must think I am still on vacation.
• It’s okay. I was early yesterday so it all evens out, right?
• I’m not late. I decided to start work a half hour later because I do not need to be here as long as everyone else.

Thought for the We

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don’t have a job. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

http://www.quotegarden.com

Wouldn’t it be cool to have a President of your very own?  Maybe sitting at your breakfast table or standing in your bay window looking out over your yard?  Your opportunity just might be at hand!  It appears that a fresh batch of US Presidents is about to hit the market, well at least the wax likenesses of them.  The sixty year old Hall of Presidents and First Ladies Museum in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania has closed and later this month all 44 U.S. Presidents and First Ladies will be auctioned which will allow you the opportunity to own a President in paraffin-ed  perfection for perpetuity.  

First ladies will also be available; however they are only one-third-scale figures.  It would make an interesting sight to purchase a President and First Lady and then display them together, especially those that already have a significant height difference like old Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln.

You could make your President an accessory to highlight any occasion.  Put a beard and Santa hat on your President at Christmas, an Uncle Sam hat would be appropriate for the 4th of July, cap and gown for graduations, birthday hat for birthday parties,  and the possibilities for Halloween are limited only by the imagination.  I would imagine that Washington and Lincoln will be in high demand and will probably fetch top dollar.  But want about someone like William Henry Harrison? I mean if the guy was only President for a month how much demand can there be for his wax likeness?  Or others like Millard Fillmore or Franklin Pierce which seem to get the obligatory three paragraphs in a high school history book?  I have a feeling that there is a bargain or two to be had here.  Perhaps I will make a bid for Benjamin Harrison, he may not be the most prominent or popular President, but we do share the same alma mater, Miami University.  I can just imagine my breakfasts with Ben now with “Hail to the Chief” playing in the background.

Since the dawn of time people have disagreed.  They have disagreed about politics.  They have disagreed about theology.  They have disagreed about customs and mores.  They have disagreed about Coke vs. Pepsi.  They have disagreed about the designated hitter. They have disagreed about, you get my point, people disagree about almost everything.  

You may even disagree with my statement that people disagree!  If I have learned anything and, by the way the jury is still out on that, I have learned that pretty much any statement I make would not be agreed to by at least one half of the general population.

However, it seems that in this age of connectivity and social media and instant news that many of us now assume that everyone wholeheartedly agrees with us about everything we say and that if someone does not agree with us then he or she must be some kind of a hater or “phobe.”  Let me share a deep thought with you.  If everyone in your circle of friends and acquaintances agrees with you on everything, you have a pretty small circle of friends and acquaintances.

This brought to mind a song released by the group War in 1975 with the title “Why Can’t We Be Friends.”  This is the chorus of the song:

“Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends?”

To the best of my recollection, I do not remember being taught or seeing discrimination of any kind at home.  I was fortunate to go to schools that were mixed religiously, socio- economically and racially. And guess what?  We got along.  I had a great group of friends in high school and not one of them was just like me.  Do not get me wrong, I have opinions and values that I hold to firmly, but that does not mean I cannot be civil and friendly to those who do not hold the same views as I do.  Nor does it mean that I cannot learn from and appreciate others.

So, let’s just lighten up a bit when someone shares a view that does not fall 100% into your view.  You may disagree and the odds are half of you just did.

“Sometimes I don’t speak right
But yet I know what I’m talking about

Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends?”