Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is just a little over a week away and with it comes the unofficial start of summer and the travel season.  So, let’s kick off this weekend with some travel jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that hipsters like to hike backcountry rivers because they are less mainstream.

Travel Tip – Do not take a dog on road trips, they tend to be bark seat drivers.

Travel tip – Before heading on a cross country trip in Canada, make sure you have Triple Eh.

Travel Tip – Never fly on Peter Pan Airways – they neverland.

Travel Tip – When in Hawaii avoid loud laughing, instead just give them a low ha.

Every time I go through an airport, I get sick.  I am afraid it might be a terminal illness.

I think mountains are the funniest places to travel, I find then hill areas.

Is it true that you can stop Canadian Bacon from curling in the pan by taking away its little rock and broom?

A time traveler visited a restaurant on vacation and he liked it so much that he went back four seconds.

I took four hours to check out of my hotel in Japan. The receptionist told me, “You really Tokyo time.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Friday and a Happy Mothers’ Day to all the Moms. If you can, be sure to let your Mother know you are thinking about her this weekend.

Enjoy!

Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He said, ‘Call for backup.’

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom on Mother’s Day? Because she left the phone off the hook.

I bought my mom a mug that says, “Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son”. I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.

There is a very old legend that says if you take a shower and scream “Mom” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.

My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”

Would call a mother cow that’s just given birth de-calf-inated?

Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale but in reverse. You begin in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after people.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A mother understands what a child does not say.” —Jewish Proverb

Happy Friday and Happy May! The days are longer and warmer weather is on the way! The baseball season is in full swing, so let me toss out a baseball joke for you.

Enjoy!

Bob and Dave had been best friends for as long as either of them could remember plus they shared an avid interest in baseball.  They were now in their 90’s and in a nursing home, but still close friends who continued to share a love of baseball.  Many days they would spend sitting in their rocking chairs and talking about baseball.  Occasionally they pondered if there would be baseball in heaven.  One day, as they pondered this, they made a pact that someway, somehow which ever one of them who died first would find a way to come back and let the other one know if, indeed, there was baseball in heaven.

Well, the day came when Bob passed.  After several weeks had passed Dave was feeling a bit lonely as his sat and rocked next to an empty chair.  Suddenly, the empty chair began to rock slowly back and forth and the pale, ghostly image of Bob appeared. 

Dave asked, “Well Bob, tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”

“Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” replied Bob.  “The good news is that, yes indeed, there is baseball in heaven.  There are games every day and the weather is always absolutely perfect”

Dave smiled and asked, “That is wonderful! What’s the bad news?”

Bob looked at his friend and replied, “The bad news is that tomorrow is our Opening Day and you’re playing second base and batting third.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” ~ Bob Feller

Happy Friday! Spring is in the air and you have probably had to cut the grass at least once by now, so how about some lawn care jokes to kick off this Friday?

Enjoy!

The other day, I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn so I asked him if anything was wrong.  He said that he was just going through a rough patch.

Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn, he just wasn’t cutting it.

I really need to cut my grass, but I am having difficulty getting myself mow-tivated.

Last week, I called the police about a murder on my front lawn and they said that couldn’t do anything about crows on my lawn and insisted that I quit calling.

I have a chicken proof lawn, it’s impeccable.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.  He just sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

When I’m grilling a steak outside, the smell just makes my mouth water.  I wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My neighbor on one side has a cow that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn moo-er.

My neighbor on the other side has a cat that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn-meower.

The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” ~ William Shakespeare