Tag Archives: Halloween

Friday Funny (Monday Extra) October 28, 2024 Even More Halloween Jokes

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Happy Friday- I mean Monday. I missed sending a funny last Friday, but with Halloween at the doorstep, I could not resist some Halloween Jokes.

Enjoy!

If a ghost cow laughed, would it go “Moo-ha-ha-ha”?

Do little ghosts have to fasten their sheet belts when they get in the car?

Would you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts a Pharaoh Roche?

Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest that was won by no body?

I heard that a vampire’s favorite fruit is a Neck-tarine.

I heard that when a skeleton wants to   go for a fun night, he is always looking for a hip joint.

Is it true that vampires do not like being investment bankers because they do not like stakeholders?

If a pumpkin was a minister would it preach from the pulp-it?

Is it true that skeletons cannot play church music because they have no organs?

I have more skeleton jokes, but I did not think you would find them very humerus.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You’ve heard of the fury of a woman scorned, haven’t you? Well, that’s nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks-or-treats.” ~ Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Friday Funny October 27, 2023 A Bagful of Vampire Jokes

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It is almost time for Trick or Treat!  So, to set the mood, I dusted off my copy of “Vampire Jokes and Cartoons”, Edited by Phil Hirsch and Paul Laikin, Pyramid Books, 1974.  Somethings get better with age, unfortunately, these jokes are not among those things.  On the bright side, almost fifty years later, I am still getting something out of my $0.95 investment!

It is hard for me to accept that this blog is almost ten years old.  If you have enjoyed the blog, I would invite to check out my new podcast as well – Leonard Looks at Life – you can find it at https://www.buzzsprout.com/2234608

Enjoy!

What was the vampire doing driving on the turnpike? – Looking for the main artery!

Why do vampires like comedians? – They like things in a jocular vein!

Why aren’t vampires’ good gamblers? – They’re always making sucker bets!

Why did the vampire dig for gold? – He wanted to strike a rich vein!

What kind of work do vampires do? — They file their teeth!

Where do you usually find vampires? – In any neck of the woods!

When does a vampire have a bad day? – When he gets up on the wrong side of the coffin!

What happens when vampires get together? – They drive each other bats!

What kind of first aid to vampires give? – Mouth-to-neck resuscitation!

How do you kill a hungry vampire? – You drive a steak through his heart!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I got a rock.” ~ Charlie Brown in “It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown”

Friday Funny October 29, 2021 Halloween Jokes

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Happy

Happy Friday! Happy Halloween! Here is wishing you your chare of candy without any cavities!

Enjoy!

I am thinking about entering a Halloween costume contest with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. I am going as Beethoven.  Arnold will be Bach.

Last year a neighborhood girl came “trick or treating” dressed as Gloria Gaynor.  At first I was afraid.

Is it true that skeletons do not go trick or treating because they don’t have any body to with?

This year I am putting extra starch in my ghost costume, I am hoping t0 scare everyone  stiff.

I know a poltergeist who refuses to return my texts.  I think he might be ghosting me.

I saw a skeleton the other day who had a custodial job.  I think he was the Grim Sweeper.

I heard about a pumpkin who wanted to be a writer.  She thought she would try her hand at Pulp fiction.

Would you call a funny movie about two zombies finding true love, a zom-com?

This year I want to be something really scary for Halloween so I’m dressing up as a phone with the battery down to 3%.

The scariest costume I saw last year was the girl who came carrying a school fundraising packet.

Would a ghost attending a formal party wear a boo-tie?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There are three things I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus

Friday Funny October 30, 2020 Halloween Jokes

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Happy Friday and Happy Halloween!  Like everything else in 2020, Trick or Treat will be different.  Just don’t eat all the leftover candy in one sitting!

Enjoy!

Is it true that the most popular vacation destinations ghosts are Mali-boo and the Boohamas?

Is it true that policeman gave the ghost a ticket on Halloween because he didn’t have a haunting license?

Is it true that vampires need mouthwash to get rid of bat breath?

Is it true that to get their hair looking its best witches use sham-BOO and scare spray?

Did you hear about the ghost who went on a diet in an effort to keep her ghoulish figure?

Would you call a haunted chicken a poultry-geist?

Would you call a vampire that lives in the kitchen Count Spatula?

I heard that on Halloween a local eye doctor passes out candy corneas.

Did you know that the scariest animal in the forest is a cari-BOO!~?

Did you know that panda ghosts eat bam-BOO!?

What is in a ghost’s nose?  BOO-gers!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

http://WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM

Friday Funny October 25, 2019 Happy Halloween Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Halloween is just a week away, that means it is time to dig deep into my bag of tricks and treat you to some Halloween jokes!

Enjoy!

I went to an Italian restaurant on Halloween, the special was fettuccine afraid-o a)

I went to Starbucks on Halloween, the barista was a ghost who asked me if I wanted my coffee with scream and sugar.

Is it true that to keep their hair in place witches use scare-spray?

Is it true that the skeleton did not cross the road because he didn’t have the guts?

Is it true that a ghost’s favorite place to go for vacation is Mali-boo?

Is it true that ghosts like to ride elevators because it raises their spirits?

I went Trick-or-Treating at my eye doctor’s house.  He was giving out candy corneas.

Is the scariest plant on Halloween Bam-BOO?

Is the scariest animal on Halloween Cari-BOO?

Did you hear about the ghoul wo had a job cleaning houses?  He was known as the  “grim sweeper.”

Did you hear about the vampire who opened a kitchen goods store?  It is called Count Spatula.

Do skeletons make good comedians because they have funny bones?

Would you fix a broken jack-o-lantern with a pumpkin patch?

Did you hear about the ghost that stopped by the florist shop to pick up a boo-quet for his ghoulfriend?

Thought for the Week

“I could never get my parents to buy a pumpkin for Halloween.   They just made me stand in the window.  It really wasn’t too bad until the candle started to burn the roof of my mouth.” ~ Anonymous 

 

Trick or Treat

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For me Halloween has always been about the candy. It wasn’t about scary stuff or pranks, it was about candy. What other time of the year did you get to go to every house in the neighborhood knock on the door, ask for candy and someone would actually give it to you? I can still remember the excitement of coming home and dumping out the pillow case (no small plastic pumpkin for me) as all the goodies would pile out onto the floor in one glorious heap of blissful, useless calories. I am thankful that my Trick or Treat days were before the advent of that hideous abomination called “fun-size.” Personally I think full size is a lot more fun than fun size.

Costumes were simpler then too – a plastic cigar that could shoot out baby powder instantly transformed you into a hobo. A sheet with a few holes made you a ghost – the effect was not quite the same if the sheet had a flowered pattern.  I always suggested to my sons that they dress up like an accountant for Trick or Treat, but for some odd reason they never bought into that idea.

So, be nice to the little ones that come knocking at your door this week and take advantage of the opportunity to meet your neighbors. But if you want to make a good impression, there are some treats you might want to avoid.

There are a number of “Ten Worst Trick or Treat Candies” lists out there. So after my own exhaustive research, here is my list.

10. Bubble gum – chewing it just keeps you from moving onto the chocolate.
9. Stickers – can’t eat them and Mom won’t let you put them on the furniture.
8. Coupons – Trick or Treat is a time for instant gratification.
7. Anything homemade – Mom knows all the urban legends.
6. Candy Corn – the fruit cake of Trick or Treat.                                                                                5. Those Peanut Butter flavored things in orange and black wrappers – do they even sell these any other time of the year?
4. Raisins – unless they are chocolate covered.
3. Apples – unless they are covered in caramel and nuts and factory sealed for your protection.
2. Little wax bottles filled with juice – is it a drink or a chew – the world may never know.
1. Toothbrushes – that is just being cruel.
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Friday Funny October 28, 2016 Fifteen Signs You Are Too Old for “Trick or Treat”

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Happy Friday!  This weekend is the time to stock up on goodies for the little ghouls and goblins who will be paying you a visit soon.  You might even be tempted to go out for “Trick or Treat” yourself; however before you grab a pillowcase and head toward your neighbor’s house take a few moments to ponder if you just might be a bit to old for this.

Enjoy!

YOU’RE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT WHEN…

…You have trouble staying up late enough for Trick or Treat to begin.

 …Your biggest fear is biting into a Bit-O-Honey and getting your dentures stuck in it.

… Almost anything currently hanging in your closet can be used as a costume.

…Your costume is older than most of the kids out for Trick or Treat.

…You have been dressing up as Luke Skywalker ever since Episode IV was released.

…You have been dressing up as Michael Myers ever since the original Halloween was released.

…You started dressing up as Elvis when he was still alive.

… Your back begins to ache from carrying around that heavy bag of candy.

… People say, “Great Frankenstein Mask,” and you’re not wearing a mask.

… The door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

… By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

…You remember when “Thriller” was a new song.

…You remember when “The Monster Mash” was a new song.

… You’re the only Ghost-buster in the neighborhood with a walker.

…You don’t think “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” is the same without the Dolly Madison commercials.

Thought for the Week

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat.” “No thank you.”  ~ Rita Rudner