We are hearing a great deal about healthcare these days and I imagine the debate will continue to rage on long after deadlines are past. My point here is not to get political but simply to offer my cheap, common sense solution which you may feel free to refer to as Leonard Care.
First, let’s get the cost out of the way. It will be $19.95 per person per month. Why $19.95, about the price of a couple of large two topping pizzas or one of many “As Seen on TV” products like Chop Magic Chopper, a set of Wonder Hangers or a Snore Relief Mouthpiece. I figure most people can handle giving up a double pizza or a Magic Chopper a Month.
The key to making this work is to reduce costs of course. This is actually easier than many people might think. I will illustrate by what happens when I go to the doctor:
Me: Doctor, “I have this soreness, bruise, rash. fever, broken bone, severed limb or whatever.”
Doctor: “I understand your problem, we could treat it, bandage it, sew it back on, but how about you elevate it. apply ice and/or heat on it, take it easy for a few days, take aspirin or ibuprofen and let it heal on its own?”
Since the ice it/heat it/elevate it/rest it method of treatment has been prescribed about 99% of the time for my issues, let’s apply it to 99% of all medical visits?
I know what you are thinking, it still takes up Doctor’s and Nurses time. But I have an answer for that. All hospitals and doctors offices would employ admissions bouncers, I mean admissions screen-ers. I would suggest hiring non-active Marines (I have been told there is no such thing as a “former Marine”). The Screen er would do a quick once over of the prospective patient looking for any of the following symptoms: temperature over 104 degrees, bone protruding from the skin, gaping wound or apparent absence of pulse, heart rate or breathing. If none of the above were present, the would-be patient would be told to elevate/ice/rest whatever hurts and would be provided his or her choice of aspirin or ibuprofen and sent on their way. If said patient returned for another try they would be transported to Paris Island for a full physical fitness test.
This should free up doctors and nurses for those patients needing immediate care and get the rest of us sent back to work/school/home to go about our business. There you have it, the whole insurance thing solved! I did not say it would be good, I said it would be cheap!!
Hilarious! Keep em’ coming!
Where do I sign up?