I have a very strong dislike for garden hoses.  That may sound odd to you, you may very likely perceive garden hoses as being rather innocuous.    Who ever heard of a garden hose causing a real problem? – you might think.  Yet to me, garden hoses present an endless source of frustration.  l am sure you have noticed that a garden hose stretched out across the yard has a striking resemblance to a snake, I believe there is a reason for that.

The purpose of a garden hose is simple and straightforward, it is “supposed” to convey water from one place to another, from the house to the plants that need to be watered, to the car that needs to be washed, to the child who wants to play in its spray. 

The plan is obvious enough: attach one end to the spigot and to the other end attach a nozzle or a sprinkler of some sort and enjoy an uninterrupted supply of water.  

Well here is what happens when I use a garden hose.  First I attach one end to the spigot, then I attach the other end to a nozzle then I turn the water faucet on.  Next I wait for the water to come out of the hose, then I wait some more and then after I wait a while longer a small trickle of water comes out.  So, I unroll the hose from the reel.  Unfortunately this is not as easy as it sounds for invariably, the hose is knotted and twisted inside the hose reel.  This is one of the great mysteries of life because it is never knotted when I reel the hose in; however, somehow it is ALWAYS knotted and kinked when I reel the hose out.  So I pull and pull and pull some more, then I knock the hose reel over and kick it a time or two for good measure and eventually the hose is out.  The water trickle becomes a little stronger but there is still something amiss.  My next step is to undo all the places where the hose has twisted and folded over on itself restricting the water flow, even though I have the reinforced garden hose that has a lifetime guarantee to never twist or fold over on itself.  Once the hose has finally been straightened out, the water flows freely.  Of course now I notice that the majority of the water is gushing out all around the nozzle because the washer that I replaced the last time I used the hose has become cracked and dried and is no longer providing a very good seal.  I turn off the water, put on a dry shirt, replace the washers at both ends of the hose, turn the water on and, finally, everything works fine.  However, in the time it has taken me to have a fully functioning garden hose with an adequate flow of water, the clouds have darkened and a thunderstorm has rolled in.  By the time I get the hose reeled in, the skies have opened up, the rain has come, and I am once again soaked to the bone.

Which only serves to remind me once again that I have a very strong dislike for garden hoses!






1 thought on “Hosed

  1. Valentine, Cookie (Dedria)

    LOL, Leonard, I can “sssooooo” relate to this. I have a very nice, hose reel, for my best water hose. It’s a pain in the “*!”. Have a Great Week!



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