Friday Funny December 26, 2014 Fruit Cake


This Friday Funny greets the day after Christmas.  The presents have all been opened and a lot of goodies have been eaten.  All that remains are the leftovers, the returns, the bills, and, for some, the fruit cake.  Perhaps you are a fan of fruit cake, this Friday Funny is not for you.  If you are in the 99.98% that are not fans of fruit cake, read on and enjoy!

Did you know that fruitcake has been around since the time of ancient Rome, some even think that the fruit cakes passed around to today were originally re-gifted in the mid-first century.  Perhaps it is an urban legend, but some people have been rumored to have actually eaten fruitcake, most likely after all of the figgie pudding and mincemeat pies were gone.

We you hear the words “fruit cake,” perhaps it brings to mind an image of fruits and nuts with just enough batter to hold them together. Why eat something that might be healthy like fruits and nuts by themselves when you can take away the nutritional and the taste by adding a little cake batter?

Did you know that if wrapped properly and sealed tightly, a fruitcake may be kept for months or even years?   However, if your fruitcake is older than you are, it is probably time to pass it along or consider burying it at the nearest site that accepts hazardous material.

But, if by chance you want to live on the wild side and get the urge to make your own fruitcake, here are a few basic Fruitcake-Making Tips:

  To prevent over-browning (we wouldn’t want the appearance of our fruitcake to be less appealing than it already is would we?), line the bottom and sides of the pan with foil. If you leave extra foil overlapping the sides, it will make a little carrier that will help you transport it to the trashcan.

  When baking, set the fruitcake pan in a baking pan (13×9-inch) half-filled with water to prevent burning around the edges.  Set the pan in the garbage can and place at the curb.  You might need to check local laws regarding hazardous waste.

  Let fruitcake cool in the pan for about 10 days, then turn out onto a rack to cool completely.

  For long-term storage, bury the fruitcake at night at a safe distance at an unmarked location.

If, on the other hand, you find yourself on the receiving end of a fruitcake, here are a few suggestions for what to do with it.

1) Put it in a safe place for ten years, then re-gift.

2) Use ti as a weight to hold down your portable basketball goal, this will help to keep the goal from tipping over during periods of high winds.

3)  If you get two, tie at each end of a study pole and use as a free weight.

4)  If you have pickup truck, you can place fruitcake in the truck bed to add weight for traction in the snow.

5)  Fruitcakes make excellent boundary markers for your driveway or yard during snowy months and the hold their shape no matter how many times you or the snow plow run over them.

6)  If you cannot use it during the winter months, just hang onto it until spring and use as a boat anchor.

Thought for the Week
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time.  Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? ~G.K. Chesterton



4 thoughts on “Friday Funny December 26, 2014 Fruit Cake

  1. J.L.

    I’ve liked fruitcake for many years, and my favorite is the one that one of the local Kiwanis clubs used to sell.

    Your posting reminded me of an article that I read in Failure Magazine 13 years ago. I liked it so much that I posted it on a Webpage that I maintained for my classes when I was a teacher.

    Here’s the URL:



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