Tag Archives: marathons

Friday Funny May 7, 2021 Last of the Marathon Jokes

Happy Friday! I hop e this has been a good week for you. In October 2002 I ran my first marathon. Last Saturday I ran my last, at least I am pretty sure it was my last. 26.2 miles is more than I ever thought I would run or ever wanted to run, but I enjoyed it more than I imagined I would. But, alas, age just might be catching up with me a little bit and the training just ain’t no fun no more, so I say this is it for long distance running. So let’s kick off the weekend with a little marathon humor.


Training for a marathon is hard work, but it will be good for you in the long run.

Word of advice:  do not mess with a marathoner – they run the streets.

I have had a habit of using the same puns every marathon, it is kind of a running joke.

Now that I have run marathons, my work signed me up for a 401K.

I have run my last marathon, but now I am going to treat every day like I will be running a marathon tomorrow.  I am going to rest a lot and really load up on carbs!

I injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day. Guess I got up off the couch too fast during the third film.

I heard they were trying to organize an oompah loompay marathon; however, contestants are running short.

Did you hear about the marathon runner who was sprinting at the start of the race? Apparently his pacemaker was malfunctioning.

Did you hear about that guy who planned to ran a marathon on railroad tracks? He trained a lot, but got distracted.

Did you hear that Paul McCartney has been disqualified from London Marathon? Seems he was banned on the run.

One thing you can say about Charity Marathons, they give you a run for your money.

A friend told me that he and his girlfriend broke up after they ran a marathon together.  He was pretty heartbroken, but said they had a good run.


If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon.” ~ Emil Zatopek

Friday Funny May 1, 2015 Words to Run By


This Sunday is the Cincinnati “Flying Pig” Marathon.  A marathon is quite an experience, all the people and all the excitement is great.  It is also fun to see all the people along the course.  Many of them bring signs to cheer on friends, family and total strangers.  If you are not doing anything Sunday morning, get up early, make yourself a sign and join the fun.  If you need some suggestions for what to put on your sign, below are some suggestions.


“Only 26.1 miles to go!”

“Just a 10K with a 20 mile warmup.”

“You’re going the wrong way!”

 “Stop now!  You’ll never make it!”

” Worst Parade Ever”

“Where are the floats and giant balloons?”

“Today, you’re all Kenyans.”

“All I want to do is cross the street”

“You’ll pay for this tomorrow!”

“Don’t stop — people are watching.”

“Chuck Norris never ran a marathon.”

“Hurry up, we have places to go”

“If you really loved me, you’d run faster!”

“I’m sure this seemed like a good idea 4 months ago.”

“This is your own fault. No one made you do this!”

“Toenails are for sissies.”

“Don’t worry, toenails are overrated”

“Black toenails are sexy”

“You’re not slow. You’re just enjoying the course.”

“Stop reading this and keep running!”

“Run like zombies are chasing you.”

“If it was easy, I would do it.”

“May the course be with you!”

“Try not.  Do or not do.   There is no try.” (with a picture of Yoda)

“Staying up all night making this sign was hard, too

“Go Random Stranger, Go!”

“Because 26.3 would be crazy”

“There is no app for this, keep running.”

“Your shoelaces are untied!”

“Run Forrest Run!”

“Hurry up! The half marathoners are eating all the food!”

Thought for the Week

“If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon. “ ~ Jeff Scaff

Marathon Lessons for Life

Pig 2008

 In a few days I will, hopefully, complete the Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon, which will be my last full marathon.  I did not sign-up for my first marathon until I was in my forties.  I was never a runner and never really enjoyed running.  But I have had a great time being a part of marathons.  I do not call myself a runner, I am slow and I plod along but I finish. 

I have established three goals for each marathon that I have entered and so far I have achieved all three every time.  My goals are: 1) finish, 2) do not be the last person to finish the course, and 3) have fun.

Over the years I have learned a few things about running and a lot about myself.  Here are some of the life lessons that I have learned from preparing for and being in marathons.

  • Sometimes we need a push to get started, we can over think or rationalize our inactivity. It is always easy to get in shape tomorrow.
  • There are really only two times that I need to run – when I feel like running and when I don’t feel like running.
  • You have to train, but you also have to rest – don’t burn out.  You cannot do it all at once or all alone.  Preparing for a marathon is gradual and incremental process.
  • Enjoy the solitude on the days you run alone. Being along with your thoughts while you run is a great time to clear your mind.
  • No one can run for you.  There are no vicarious marathon runners.
  • Some days are just painful.  Hopefully they are few and far between.
  • Celebrate the little victories.  Build up your mileage as you can.  I think most people who start to run give up too soon and run too short.  They do not allow their body to adjust or to get in a rhythm.  It takes time, do not give up too soon.
  • Be ready to adjust to the elements.  Some days you need more layers, some days you need fewer, you cannot have the same approach every day. 
  • Along your route, know where the dogs live they look ominous and usually make a lot of noise, but do little else (a lot of people are like that too).
  • On race day know where the cameras are and smile – even if it hurts.
  • Enlist others to run with you – they say misery loves company, fun loves company too! Having someone to run alongside you makes it more enjoyable. 
  • Learn from the experience of others.  Talk to those who have run the race.
  • Encouragement along the marathon course is great, but not all encouragement is the same.  The guy at mile 2 that is yelling “you’re almost there” is not very inspirational.
  • Find your pace, not someone else’s  – run too fast and you “bonk”
  • Don’t pass up the water stations.  You have to re-hydrate to keep going.  Fuel is needed along the way even if it is not very appetizing (Would you expect something named Goo to taste good?).
  • You really can go further than you think you can.  Watch the mile markers and rejoice with each and every passing mile.
  • As a friend told me, a marathon is just a 10K with a 20 mile warm-up.  You really don’t know what will happen those last 6.2 miles, at that point you brain is just as important as your legs. 
  • The race is tiring and the aftermath can be painful for a while.  But the feeling of achievement is worth it.
  • A marathon is 26.2 miles, only those that start and finish receive a medal.  You have to go the entire distance and you have to stay on the course.  To me the hardest parts are the first two miles and the last two miles.  In between is a lot of monotony, a lot of simply putting one foot in front of the other over and over and over again, but you have to stay at it and you have to stay on the course.
  • Run with a purpose.  The finish is what you were working for all along.  Finish well, finish strong!  Look up and smile the pain will fade but not the pictures.

Lastly here is my favorite marathon quotation: “The miracle is not that I finished, it is that I had the courage to start.” – John Bingham