Friday Funny December 19, 2014 What Not to Buy Women

Gifts003

Earlier this week, I shared some good tips I found on the Internet for buying gifts for men.   So, on this Friday before Christmas, I thought it only proper, to deal with gifts for women.  While men are extremely easy to shop for, women are extremely difficult to shop for.  Given this, I thought it might be easier to offer some general suggestions on what not to buy.

Enjoy!

Appliances are to be avoided like the plague.  Well pretty much any gift that translates into work (i.e. blender, toaster, vacuum, anything for the house “as seen on TV.”  I have been told that the general rule of thumb is that if it has a plug, don’t buy it.

Cleaning supplies are to avoided like the flu.  If the thought ever crosses your mind to buy a women Tide, Windex, Tidy Bowl just fight it or prepare to spend the rest of your life alone in a house you will have cleaned with those supplies..

Avoid sharp objects like a 24 hour stomach virus.  Ginsu knives may sound really neat and you may look forward to the opportunity to cut a pop can and a tomato with the same knife, but believe me, she will not share your enthusiasm.  Plus she will have a sharp object in her hand while she is upset with you,

Just avoid any gift for yourself that you intend to pass off as a gift for her.  This applies to power tools, sporting event tickets and DVD’s of the Three Stooges.  If you really want it for yourself, but it for yourself, just make sure you buy her something nicer.

Don’t even think of no name perfume like a $3.99 pint of Eu de Paris, which will not remind anyone of France unless it might be the local waste water plant.  If you are going to buy her perfume, at least purchase a brand that both of you have  heard of.

Please, please, please do not give her any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you saw on some shopping network and never, never, never try to pass this off as a real diamond.  The day will come when she will be embarrassed and you will be lucky to have all your teeth.

You will be tempted to buy clothes.  You have gone shopping together, you know think you know what she likes, you know her size.  So, no problem, right?  Wrong! This is a trap!!  Please do not fall for it.  There are three possible outcomes when you but her clothes: a) they do not fit, b) it is the wrong color, c) she just does not like it.

If you want the relationship to last past Christmas Day do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem,  or Weight Watchers. Please tell me you already knew this one. 

Never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or anything that is supposed to help her look “younger.”  These gifts may result in serous bodily harm to your person.

If this has eliminated all your gift ideas, just go with a nice pair of earrings.  Happy Shopping!

Thought for the Week

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

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2 thoughts on “Friday Funny December 19, 2014 What Not to Buy Women

  1. Pat Godbey

    I had to laugh at this, since my dad had bought many things that translated into “work” for my mother! She never truly let on, but I bet she thought something now and then! With 6 kids, I guess she figured, oh well, I can put this to good use. Such is life! Have a great Christmas at the Wagers Home! 🙂

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