Category Archives: Humor

Odd Song Lyrics from the 1970’s – MacArthur Park

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Musically I am and probably always will be stuck in the 1970’s.  It is the soundtrack of my youth.  The 1970’s had a lot of good songs and a lot of bad songs.  But if you remember “American Bandstand” they all “had a good beat, I’ll give it an 85…”

The 1970’s gave us disco and many may never forgive the decade for that.  “MacArthur Park” was a song originally released in 1968 by Richard Harris which  peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.  In 1978, Donna Summer re-released it with a disco beat and made it to number 1 on the Billboard chart.

Here is a portion of the lyrics:

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
’cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, nooooo

Several questions come to mind:

  1. Why was the cake left out in the rain?  Who leaves a cake in the rain? Why didn’t she put it in a Tupperware cake container?
  2. Why did this cake that much longer to bake than a normal cake? Was it extra big?  Was it extra fluffy?
  3. Why will she never have that recipe again?  Why didn’t she write it down? (Today, I am certain she could find that recipe on the internet!)
  4. Taking us back to #1 above – if this was such a special cake that took an extraordinarily long time to bake with a once in a lifetime recipe, shouldn’t she have taken note of the weather forecast and made sure that it was not left out in the rain?

The song had a good beat, I will give it an 85, but inquiring minds want to know.

 

Friday Funny April 5, 2019 Hey Buddy Have I Got a Joke for You!

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Happy Friday! It is beginning to feel like spring really is in the air!  This week I thought I would share a few sales related jokes.

Enjoy!

A lady was shopping for as new vacuum cleaner.  The salesmen told her that the new model would cut her work in half, so she bought two.

Always trust a glue salesperson. They tend to stick to their word.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his job selling amplifiers because he did not have sufficient volume of sales.

Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.

What do you have to know to be a successful real estate salesman? Lots!

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A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. 

“Well they feel a bit tight,” replies the man. 

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out,” the clerk says. 

“Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.”

————————————————————————————————————————————–

One day Bob was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. “What is that?” Bob asked. 

“It’s a thermos,” the salesman replied. 

“What does it do?” asked Bob. 

“Well, this baby,” the salesman said, “is amazing, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” 

This seemed like a great gadget to Bob and he bought one, thinking it would be ideal to take his lunch to work. The next day he arrived at the plant where and sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. “What is it?” they asked. 

“It’s a thermos,” Bob replied. 

“What does it do?” they asked. 

“Well,” Bob told them in a bragging manner, “It is amazing, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” 

“Neat, what do you have in it?” 

To which Bob replies, “Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle.”

Thought for the Week

Life is amazingly good when it’s simple and amazingly simple when it’s good. ~Terri Guillemets

http://www.quotegarden.com

Differences Between Men and Women #113 Cup Holders

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It has been quite some time since I have addressed the multitude of differences between men and women.  So, let’s think for just a moment about the cup holders that are found in vehicles. 

Actually my first though about vehicle cup holders has nothing to do with differences between men and women but the simple pondering of why it too so long for cup holders to evolve into something useful?  I can remember as a child when the “cup holder” was a very slightly indented circle on the inside of the glove compartment cover that, I suppose, you could place a small cup on and it wold stay there if the car was not moving, was in park and was setting in the garage.  Thankfully after decades of expensive automotive research, we finally have cup holders that can actually hold a cup.

Which brings us to the difference between how men and women view these now ubiquitous features on automobiles.  A man looks at a cup holder and sees a convenient place where he can put his cup of coffee, a soda or bottle of water where it will stay in one place, not spill and be within reach when he is ready for it.  Pretty simple and direct.

Now a woman will see this same place on the console between the seats and see a space that can be used for any and all of the following:

  • a place to put a cup of coffee, a soda or a bottle of water
  • a place to keep extra change
  • a place to keep coupons
  • a place to keep receipts
  • a place to keep grocery ads
  • a place to keep sunglasses
  • a place to keep emergency makeup
  • a place to keep keys
  • a place to keep a cell phone
  • a place to keep a cell phone charger
  • a place to keep tissues (so also Differences Between Men and Women #37 Tissues)

Perhaps women are more imaginative and resourceful while men are more dull and pragmatic, but please keep the cup holders empty so that I have a place to put my cup of coffee.

Friday Funny March 29, 2019 Baseball Is A Funny Game

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Happy Friday and welcome to the 2019 baseball season!  With the start of the season, it seemed like a great time to share some baseball quotes.

Enjoy!

“I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.”-Phil Rizzuto

 It ain’t nothin’ till I call it. — Bill Klem, Legendary Major League Baseball umpire

Beethoven can’t really be great because he never had his picture on a bubble gum card. — Lucy van Pelt (Peanuts)

“Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.” ~ Author Unknown

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.” ~ Earl Wilson 

“Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes.” ~ Will Rogers 

“Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?” ~ Jim Bouton 

“The thing I like about baseball is that it’s one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it’s your mistake. If you hit a home run, it’s your home run.” — Hank Aaron

“The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers.” – Earl Weaver

“There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.” – Casey Stengel

Thought for the Week

“The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a professional endeavor.” — Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879

Friday Funny March 22, 2019 Optimists vs. Pessimists

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Happy Friday and Happy Spring! Spring is the time for optimism or maybe pessimism it all depends on how you look at it.

Enjoy!

The Optimist sees the glass is half full.  The Pessimist sees the glass is half empty.  The Accountant sees that they made the glass twice as big as they needed to.

The Optimist sees the glass is half full.  The Pessimist sees the glass is half empty. Mom just wonders why no one used a coaster.

The Optimist says the glass is half full.  The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.  While they are arguing about it, the Opportunist drank what was in the glass.

The Optimist thinks that the world he’s living in is the best possible.  The Pessimist is afraid that the Optimist is right.

While a pessimist sees the coffee cup is half empty, the optimist is already starting to brew another pot.

They say that the pessimist sees a tunnel, the optimist a light at the end of the tunnel and the realist sees a train.  They also say the train engineer wonders why he see three people standing on the railroad tracks.

An Optimist is someone who keeps his car’s motor running while his wife goes shopping.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a house fly is looking for a way to get out.

I am not a Pessimist.  I am just an Optimist with experience.

I’m not a Pessimist, I’m really an optimist, I just don’t have a whole lot to work with.

How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? Never mind, nobody would get the joke anyways.

My friends say I’m a pessimist, but I think it’s a lot worse than that.

I used to be in a band called The Introverted Pessimists. You’ve probably never heard of us, but that’s fine.

I thought about starting a support group for pessimists,  but why bother, it’s not like it’d make any difference anyway.

Thought for the Week

Always look on the bright side of life. Otherwise it’ll be too dark to read. ~Author unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

They Say You Cannot Change Stupid

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I recently came across an article about a theft of some pretty valuable collectible coins that took place in North Palm Beach, Florida.  It seems that a 20-year-old man from Riviera Beach stole coins and other items from a North Palm Beach office in December.  While he initially got away with his misdeed, he was caught, arrested and charged with grand theft along with unrelated drug charges.  So, we can probably surmise that this young man was probably not counted among the best and the brightest.

However, what really sets this guy apart is what he did with his ill-gotten gain.  The coins he had in his possession were worth $33,000.  The arrest report stated that he sold some coins for a few thousand dollars, that seems like a logical thing to do.  However, the remaining coins, he ran through change machines at local grocery stores!  Of course, he did not receive thousands of dollars from the change machine.

The future does not look very bright for this young man.  He may never learn the value of an honest day’s work or the value of a dollar, especially if the dollar is in the form of a collectible coin.

 

Friday Funny March 15, 2019 Happy St. Patrick’s Day

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Happy Friday!  You know spring is on the way when you see St. Patrick’s Day on the calendar!  So, I dug deep into the internet to find a few St. Paddy jokes just for you.

Enjoy!

Would you call a leprechaun’s vacation home a lepre-condo?

Would you call a vanishing leprechaun a lepre-gone?

Would you call an Irish criminal with a serious skin disease a leper con?

Do you know that an Irishman is having a good time when he is Dublin over with laughter?

Do leprechauns make good secretaries because they are good at shorthand?

Did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold by taking a shortcut?

Did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland because he could not afford air fare?

Is a leprechaun’s favorite food to barbecue short ribs?

Are leprechaun’s hard to get along with because they are short-tempered?

In Ireland would you call Cubic Zirconia a sham rock?

Thought for the Week

“I’m not going to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day,  today, but I do plan on wearing blue pants and a yellow shirt, so pretty much the same thing.”

 

This Is Your Brain On Jellyfish

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There is a commercial that I see from time to time for a dietary supplement that states that it will help with “mild memory loss associated with aging.”  The commercial touts that the product has an ingredient that was originally found in jellyfish.   This statement caught my attention and made me wonder if jellyfish are smart and if they are supposed to have good memories.

I stumbled upon an article Hakai Magazine published in July 2015 titled “The Secret Social Lives of Jellyfish” that poses the age-old question of “Do helmet jellyfish play follow-the-leader?”  The article quotes a marine biologist by the name of Stein Kaartvedt who states that jelly fish are not very smart.  He notes that they have “no brain to process information.”  This leads me to wonder how something from jellyfish who have no brain would help someone’s brain function.

A little more searching revealed that this key ingredient is apoaequorin.  This was discovered when a group of researchers near Seattle, Washington noticed glowing jellyfish and decided to study them to find out what caused them to glow. The group developed an extraction process and eventually discovered that the cause of the glowing jellyfish was a specific ingredient, apoaequorin. Experiments, according to the website of the company that markets this product, helped determine that apoaequorin could play a useful role in supporting brain health. Notice “could play” is the wording used.  The website also contains an asterisk that “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” 

I also came across a story that the FDA has also claimed that the key ingredient, apoaequorin, a synthetic protein, is not an acceptable ingredient in a dietary supplement and that the FTC is also pursuing a lawsuit against the company regarding its promotion of this product.

So, when I asked myself what the connection was between jellyfish and memory, the apparent answer is that there is not much of one.  I might consider the product if I want to start glowing at night.  As for improving my memory as I get older, forget about it.

Friday Funny March 8, 2019 Springing Forward

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Happy Friday! Despite the cold temperatures and the snowy forecast, this weekend is the time to spring forward!  It also seemed like a good time to clean out the joke closet and dust off a few spring jokes.

Enjoy!

Does daylight saving time in Seattle mean an extra hour of rain?

If you are on a trampoline is it Spring-time?

Does the flower business really start to bloom this time of year?

Do monkeys fall from the sky during Ape-ril showers!?

Would you call a girl with a frog on her head Lily?

Are frogs happy because they get to eat whatever bugs them?

Are bees only allowed to fly in the rain if they are wearing little yellow jackets?

Would you say that bees are happy because they hum while they work?

If you plant kisses will you grow tulips?

Would you say that crossing a four-leaf clover and poison ivy would cause a rash of good
luck?

Was the mother worm upset with her little worm because she could not find him and did not know where in earth he was?

Thought for the Week

“Despite the forecast, live like it’s Spring.”~ Lilly Pulitzer

Murdoc Syndrome

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I wanted to take just a moment to draw your attention to a condition that appears to plague a number of successful television shows, let’s call it Murdoc Syndrome. 

Murdoc was a recurring character in the original MacGyver series and has been reprised in the new series as well.  He was a hit man who was the most frequent antagonist of the main character in the original series.  The  typical sequence of events when Murdoc appeared (he was in nine episodes of the original series, but it seemed like he was in every other episode that I watched) was that MacGyver was surprised to see him because MacGyver was sure he had killed Murdoc the last time they tangled, then Murdoc would trap/capture MacGyver, Murdoc would develop an elaborate plot/mechanism to kill MacGyver, MacGyver would use duct tape and match sticks to foil the plan at the last second then turn the tables on Murdoc and be certain that Murdoc was really dead this time,,,,until he showed up again two episodes later.

To my simple mind it appeared that occasionally, the writers of the show would hit a wall, run out of ideas then someone would pipe up with, “Hey, let’s bring Murdoc back for another episode!”  It also appears that this idea was heartily agreed to every time it was mentioned.

So, what is Murdoc Syndrome?  It is the tendency to revert to the same story line/same characters again and again.  Television shows that catch my attention and appear interesting during the first season seem especially prone to it. 

“Once Upon A Time” was interesting the first season.  However Murdoc Syndrome appeared as each season finale seemed to end with a kind of reset to the beginning of the story, a new villain (who apparently was required to be a Disney movie character), was introduced then rinse and repeat. 

“The Flash” was interesting for a season or two as he learned to cope with his super speed and use it to battle a series of unique bad guys.  But, alas they slipped into Murdoc Syndrome ending one season by introducing the villain du jour of the season then spending the entire season figuring out how to defeat  him.  The last part of the finale would show that whatever they did to fix this season messed something up that caused the appearance of the next villain du jour for the upcoming season, rinse and repeat.

I stumbled upon “I Zombie” while traveling for work and found the concept of a zombie who works for the coroner and has flashbacks of the people who come through the coroner’s office whose brains she eats rather intriguing and watched that show for a while.  Again the show succumbed to Murdoc Syndrome as the plot degenerated into a weekly struggle between the good zombie in the coroner’s office and the bad zombie, rinse and repeat.

I understand that it would be a lot easier to write a Murdoc episode; the character is already established (you even have the actor already pegged), you know the essentials of the story line and you already have a pretty good idea of how it will end.  I am sure it is easier, I am also sure it is not as interesting.  If I wanted to watch a Murdoc episode again, I would just record it and keep watching it.  If all I was wanted was rinse and repeat, I would go wash my hair.