My grandfather was born in the 1890’s, he served in World War I, and he could tell stories of living on the farm with no electricity, no plumbing, no cars. My father was born in the early 1920’s, he served in World War II, and he could tell stories of living on the farm, no electricity, no plumbing, no cars. They could also tell fantastic stories of living in the farmhouse – of how the rain sounded when it would hit the tin roof in the summer and of waking up with frost on their noses and snow on their bed in the winter. They could tell stories of the depression and it’s aftermath;  of the sacrifices needed to win two world wars.

I was born at end of the 1950’s and I am not sure what stories I have to tell my grandchildren about how hard it was when I was growing up.  I guess I could mention that I did actually walk to school from kindergarten through eighth grade, but it was only across the street.  So what can I say? “Let me tell you about life growing up in the 1960’s. We only had one television and it was black and white plus we only had three stations to choose from and get this young fella – when we wanted to change the station – why we had to get up off the couch and walk all the way across the room and actually turn a knob on the TV!  And we didn’t have no fancy microwave ovens – we had to actually turn on the stove if you wanted to cook something. In summer, when it was hot, we opened a window and maybe plugged in a fan to help cool down. I went to schools that didn’t have air conditioning and when we did math all we had to use was pencil and paper.”

Yet, as bad as I have it in the life was not so rough department, what stories will my children have to tell their grandchildren? “Why I remember back at the end of the twentieth century, 3-D TV had not even been invented, that was even before HDTV, our TV only had 150 TV stations and we didn’t even have a TiVo in every room. I can remember when we had to use something called “dial up” to get on the internet, we had to use a phone LINE.  You probably won’t believe this, but there was an actual line that went right into your house in order to use the phone. Why I can even remember Super Nintendo and Playstation 1 and sometimes we had to play on a screen that was less that thirty-six inches across! Cell phones?  I didn’t even get my own phone until I was sixteen!  Yes, we had it rough, if we wanted to listen to music we had to use something called a Compact Disc, where the music was actually put onto a little disc and you had to carry the disc around and put it in a player to listen to it, you see way back in the last millennium, there were no digital downloads, yep we had it rough.”

Don’t you envy our parents and grandparents? They had it easy when it came to telling stories about having it rough.

The official start of summer is only a few days away.  The warmer and longer have many looking to cool off with a couple of dips of ice cream. (Hot or cold, I am always ready for some ice cream!)  For much of my childhood I pretty much stuck with the basics of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.  You might be surprised to know that with all the various and sundry flavors out there, vanilla, chocolate and strawberry still account for approximately 70% of ice cream sales .

However, when I was in high school my eyes, or should I say my taste buds, were opened to the almost limitless combinations that can be made with the various flavors and toppings that can be found at an ice cream parlor.  My horizons were widened when I began working at Sherer’s Ice Cream in Dayton, Ohio. (When it comes to dipping ice cream at my house, I still take the scoop and say, “Stand back, I’m a professional, let me handle this.” I soon learned the joy of flavors like root beer float, peppermint, strawberry cheesecake, eggnog, pumpkin, coffee and most of the other 36 flavors that were available.

Around that same time Baskin Robbins came out with a couple of seasonal flavors I really liked, baseball nut and banana bunt – maybe I just liked them for the baseball references. Baseball Nut was vanilla ice cream swirled with a black raspberry ribbon and crunchy cashews. Banana Bunt was a banana flavor with peanuts if I recall correctly.

However, even I had to draw the line somewhere and I drew it at rum raisin and fruit salad, two of Mr. Sherer less favorite concoctions.  Yet, even these sound “normal” compared to some that have made the rounds in recent years. So, if you want to get your licks on the wild side, here are a few flavors you can find right here in the good ‘ole USA.

• French Toast-with bits of French toast and maple, the breakfast of champions?
• Buttered Popcorn – a flavor with butter pecan and caramel popcorn – perfect for movie night.
• Strawberry Basil – what compels one to put herbs in ice cream?
• Firehouse 31- think Atomic Fireball ice cream.
• Creole Cream Cheese- a cream-cheese-like base and a spicy kick.
• Coconut Jalapeno – coconut with a big kick.
• Licorice – black ice cream, only slightly creepy.
• Garlic – only at the Gilroy Garlic Festival in Gilroy, California, wonder if it keeps the vampires away?
• Maple Bacon Sundae – you can thank Denny’s for this one.
• Breakfast in Bed – a vanilla ice cream base with pasteurized egg yolks, real maple syrup and bacon! Just don’t drip on your pillow.
• Lobster Ice Cream from Ben & Bill’s Chocolate Emporium in Bar Harbor, a butter ice cream-based treat with fresh (again buttered) lobster folded into each bite. I wonder if it makes a sound if you boil it?
• Pear With Blue Cheese, a well-balanced mix of sweet Oregon Trail Bartlett Pears mixed with crumbles of Rogue Creamery’s Crater Lake Blue Cheese. Seems like everything is a little strange on the West Coast.
• “Real” Eskimo ice cream or Akutag as the locals would call it. It is overflowing with enough fresh berries for your sweet tooth; however, its base is actually animal fat (reindeer, caribou, possibly even whale). My guess is that you will have a hard time finding a low calorie version of this one.

I have a very strong dislike for garden hoses.  That may sound odd to you, you may very likely perceive garden hoses as being rather innocuous.    Who ever heard of a garden hose causing a real problem? – you might think.  Yet to me, garden hoses present an endless source of frustration.  l am sure you have noticed that a garden hose stretched out across the yard has a striking resemblance to a snake, I believe there is a reason for that.

The purpose of a garden hose is simple and straightforward, it is “supposed” to convey water from one place to another, from the house to the plants that need to be watered, to the car that needs to be washed, to the child who wants to play in its spray. 

The plan is obvious enough: attach one end to the spigot and to the other end attach a nozzle or a sprinkler of some sort and enjoy an uninterrupted supply of water.  

Well here is what happens when I use a garden hose.  First I attach one end to the spigot, then I attach the other end to a nozzle then I turn the water faucet on.  Next I wait for the water to come out of the hose, then I wait some more and then after I wait a while longer a small trickle of water comes out.  So, I unroll the hose from the reel.  Unfortunately this is not as easy as it sounds for invariably, the hose is knotted and twisted inside the hose reel.  This is one of the great mysteries of life because it is never knotted when I reel the hose in; however, somehow it is ALWAYS knotted and kinked when I reel the hose out.  So I pull and pull and pull some more, then I knock the hose reel over and kick it a time or two for good measure and eventually the hose is out.  The water trickle becomes a little stronger but there is still something amiss.  My next step is to undo all the places where the hose has twisted and folded over on itself restricting the water flow, even though I have the reinforced garden hose that has a lifetime guarantee to never twist or fold over on itself.  Once the hose has finally been straightened out, the water flows freely.  Of course now I notice that the majority of the water is gushing out all around the nozzle because the washer that I replaced the last time I used the hose has become cracked and dried and is no longer providing a very good seal.  I turn off the water, put on a dry shirt, replace the washers at both ends of the hose, turn the water on and, finally, everything works fine.  However, in the time it has taken me to have a fully functioning garden hose with an adequate flow of water, the clouds have darkened and a thunderstorm has rolled in.  By the time I get the hose reeled in, the skies have opened up, the rain has come, and I am once again soaked to the bone.

Which only serves to remind me once again that I have a very strong dislike for garden hoses!

I certainly hope that this Memorial Day you took time to reflect on the gift provided by those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we might have the opportunity to enjoy our freedom.

Weekend and holidays are often a great time to catch up on those DVD that have been gathering dust since you received them last Christmas or last birthday or some other time.  A quick search of the internet will provide a wealth of important things we have learned from watching movies.  Here are some of my favorites, feel free to add yours to the list.

..All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
…If being chased through town, you almost always take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – regardless what time of the year. (Unless you are in New Orleans where there is always a Mardi Gras parade.)
…All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
…It’s possible for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to provide instructions to you.
…Once applied, makeup and lipstick will never rub off – even while swimming or being adrift at sea for days.
…The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
…If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
…You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
…Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
…If your town is threatened by an eminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade.
…The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
…The Washington Monument can be seen from any window in Washington, DC.
…A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
…When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
…Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
…Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
…Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames and roll down steep hillsides.
…The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
…A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of the Rose Bowl.
…Medieval peasants had perfect teeth and clean, but ragged, clothes.
…Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
…If the phone rings in the middle of the night, one has to turn on the light next to the bed before answering the phone.
…It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
…Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
…All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off and they all have blue, red, yellow and green wires.
…It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
…A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
…It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
…When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
…No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
…Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
…When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
…You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
…Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
…Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
…If you pull your collar up and your hat down over your eyes, police will never recognize you.