Friday Funny May 30, 2014 – Deep Thoughts for Friday

lwff

 

Happy Friday!  Every once in a while, it is good to pause, take a deep breath and ponder some deep thoughts.

Enjoy!

To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Either you like bacon or you are wrong.

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.

If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?

Just because I wear a sandwich board doesn’t make me some kind of hero.

I have this great trick where I can take a glass of ice water and, through sheer
concentration, bring it to a boil. Well, actually, I’ve never gotten it to boil,
but I did get it up to room temperature once.

For me, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything I do.

I put out some Rat-B-Gon, but it doesn’t work. Not only isn’t the rat gone, it hasn’t
even moved for the last two days.

I have CDO. It’s like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

There are two kinds of people: those that can count and those that can’t.

Remember Clones are people two.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

If it’s true that we are here to help ‘others’—then what exactly are the ‘others’ here for?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If a cow laughs hard enough, would milk come out her nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So what’s the speed of dark?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
A day without sunshine is like – Night.

On the other hand – you have different fingers

97.2 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

The early bird may get the worm – but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Don’t miss the donut by looking through the hole. ~Author Unknown

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