Happy Friday! Here are some tidbits of wisdom to get your weekend off to a quick start.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week!
I once had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film. (In my case, nothing ever develops!)
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I would play more golf, but I always have trouble getting by the windmill.
I had a blind date once, but her dog wouldn’t get in the car.
I was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but I got mad and broke it off.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Thought for the Week
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. ~Author Unknown