Tag Archives: doctor jokes

Friday Funny November 8, 2019 Doctor One-Liners

Happy Friday! As the days get shorter and colder cold and flu season starts to creep in.  If laughter is the best medicine, then here is a little dose of prevention.


I went to see my doctor.  The doctor said, “I’ve not seen you for a while.” I replied, “Well, recently I have been ill.”

I told my doctor that I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.  He told me that I should take the candles off first.

My doctor told me that I needed to stop using a Q-tip; however, his advice just went in one ear and out the other.

My Doctor said I needed a knee replacement\.  I asked if I could have a second opinion. She said, “Sure, you’re ugly too.”

My therapist told me I have problems letting go of the past. She told me that three years ago.

I can accept that I have an inferiority complex I just wish that I had a better one.

My doctor told me that I have the body of a twenty-year-old, then he suggested that I return it before I get it completely stretched out of shape.

I was thinking about having some plastic surgery until I noticed the doctor’s office was decorated with lithographs of paintings by Picasso.

I have found that an apple a day really does keep the doctor away, if your aim is good.

I went to the doctor and told him that I had swallowed a spoon.  She said, “sit down and don’t stir.”

I went to the doctor and told him I felt run down. He asked me why, so I showed him the tire marks on my legs.

I told the doctor that my hair has been falling out and asked him if he had anything to keep it in.  He gave me a paper bag.


The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. ~Voltaire