Friday Funny November 17, 2017 Calling on the Hotline, the Butterball Hotline

Happy Friday!  It is now less than a week to Thanksgiving and I imagine your Thanksgiving plans are well underway.  The anticipation of sharing a great meal with family is often mixed with anxiety about preparing the “perfect meal” for everyone.  One of the biggest culinary concerns is often the turkey.  Well, fear not, Butterball operates a Turkey Hotline every year during the holiday season to help you cook that perfect Thanksgiving bird.  Of course they do receive some rather interesting questions from time to time. Here are some of my favorites.


Calls from harried hosts that cleaned their birds with metal scouring pads, and
need advice on how to get the metal bits out of the turkey.

“I don’t want to cook the whole turkey, so I cut it in half with a chainsaw. How do I get the chainsaw oil out of the turkey?”

“Can I cook the turkey on the engine block of my semi while I’m driving? If I drive faster, will it cook faster?”

The turkey in my freezer is 23 years old. Is it safe to eat?

Asked what state her turkey was in, the caller told the Talk-Line operator: “Florida.”

“Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven says only bake or broil;
how do I set it?”

Does the turkey go in the oven feet first or head first?

“Are one of the turkey’s legs dark meat and the other white?”

How long does it take to thaw a fresh turkey? 

How do I prepare a turkey for vegetarians?

Can I thaw a frozen turkey in the aquarium with my tropical fish?

How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines  in the shape of a turkey bikini?

As you might guess, most turkey traumas occur on Thanksgiving Day. Never
fear, Butterball has their entire staff of home economists is on duty that day to
handle the 7,000 to 8,000 calls the talk line will receive that day.

Just in case, the number is 1- 800-Butterball (1-800-288-8372).

Thought for the Week

“Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.”~ John Wooden


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