I am an accountant by trade and I will admit that I like a good deal.  I will buy things on sale, I will try to stretch a dollar.  However, an offer came in the mail last week that I can definitely pass on.  It was not a good deal on a car.  It was not a bargain on clothes.  It was not a coupon for a restaurant.  It was an offer to buy two cemetery plots for $995!  Yes, a buy one get one free eternal resting place.

I was mildly upset the first time I received a senior discount at McDonald’s.  I have tossed many mailings that come from AARP.  I get the mailings about retirement communities and think to myself, “that is a long way off.”  But a solicitation for grace spaces?  First of all, I don’t really see that this is an expense that I will enjoy the use of it.  

The offer states clearly at the top that this is “back by popular demand.”  Is this demand from satisfied customers?  Is the demand driven  by referrals? The letter also states that the offer is for “Pre-Need purchases only” – if you have a preexisting need for a cemetery plot, sorry you are out of luck!

However, I do have a tent in the garage.  I could make my purchase and use it as a camping spot.  I bet it is quiet, especially at night.

I try to be an easy-going guy, but I do have my pet peeves and among said pet peeves are calls from telemarketers.  I have had my share of calls from Rachel at card services, Bill who sounded suspiciously Indian who told me he was from Microsoft Services and had been monitoring my computer (talk about a boring job!), recordings telling me that I had won a cruise for having visited a resort I had never been to, offers for “free” alarm systems, and, of course, calls telling me that this was my last warning from the IRS before being arrested.  Depending on my mood, I hang up or play along for a few minutes before hanging up. 

Recently I have come across a new twist.  The phone rings, I answer it and the person on the other end asks, “Is Betty there?”  There is no one named Betty in my family and I do not know very many Betty’s.  I reply that the person must have the wrong number.  The person on the other end then replies, “Maybe you can help me and goes into their spiel to solicit a charitable donation.  Over the last few months I have received this call from a lady and I can recognize her voice.  Today, the call came from a man.  I just hang up, about the time they get “maybe you can h” out of their mouth.  However, I have one question that I really want to ask, “If you have no idea who you are calling, why would I want to give money to your organization?”  I would also like to ask what marketing “genius” came up with the idea to ask for Betty whenever someone answers the phone?

Now that I have experienced this a few times, I will try to be ready the next time someone call asking for Betty.  I am trying to decide which response I will use or it they keep calling I may use them all?

Betty is not here right now, but this is Mr. Rubble, may I take a message?

I’m sorry, Betty was fired last week and was indicted by a Grand Jury this morning?

Just a moment – then put the phone down and see how long they wait for her.

Wait just a minute, Betty said she had told you never to call her here.

How did you get this number?  This is a secure line which is constantly monitored. The SWAT team will be at your door in three and a half minutes.

Betty?,,,,, so that is the name she is using these days is it?  How do you know her?

Betty?  I have not used that name since I worked undercover for the CIA.  Who told you to call me???