Happy Friday!  I was traveling for some training this week and ended up spending one more night in Chicago than I intended thanks to a flight crenelation. It has been said we have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes, so I tried to laugh and the result is this week’s funny.

Enjoy!

An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, “Unfortunately, we have lost an engine, but there is no need to worry, the other three are working properly. However, this will add an hour to our flight.”

A bit later, the pilot announces, “If I can have your attention again, unfortunately, a second engine has failed, still no need to worry.  We have two good engines; it will just add another hour to our flight.”

After about an hour, the pilot announces again, “This is quite unusual, but a third engine had died. Once again, there is no need to fear.  We have one good engine and we can make it to our destination with only one engine.  However, it sill add another hour to our flight.”

At this point, one passenger turned to his seat-mate and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here all day!”

————————————————————————————————————————————–

A place was taxiing down the tarmac, preparing for takeoff when it abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

—————————————————————————————————————————-

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. “Can I help you?” asks the agent.

“I want a round trip ticket,” says the man.

“Where to?” asks the agent.

“Well, I wanted to come right back to here.”

————————————————————————————————————————

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that precise moment to throw a loud and prolonged temper-tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

From the back of the plane, an distinguished, older man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

To everyone’s amazement, the boy calms down. Then the boy gently takes his mother’s hand and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers are amazed and a bit bewildered.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the flight attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

Thought for the Week

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.  ~Lin Yutang

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday!  Summer officially arrived this week!  Summer often means travel and if you are still looking for some interesting spots to visit this summer I am here to give you a few ideas.  If your travels will take you through Tennessee or Alabama this summer here are a few places you just might want to check out that are a bit off the beaten path.

Enjoy!

Columbia, Tennessee – Mule Capital of the World – Besides the Mule Day Parade, there is a Mule Day Queen, a Mule Pull, a Liar’s Contest, and a collection of large, painted fiberglass mules.

Dandridge, Tennessee – Bush’s Beans museum – A tribute to canned baked beans, by the company making them for over 100 years, starting at this old general store. Photo ops, displays, a theater playing the “History of Grilling,” and an opportunity to see your weight in beans.  They have a restaurant that does indeed serve beans and other items.  I marked this one off my bucket list last year.

Knoxville, Tennessee – World’s Largest Rubik’s Cube – A restored relic from the 1982 Knoxville World’s Fair.  I never could solve the regular size version.

Memphis, Tennessee – Billy Bass Adoption Center – Wall of novelty gift sensation singing fish trophies, donated to the restaurant by customers in exchange for a free basket of catfish. And you thought that singing fish was not worth anything.

Birmingham, Alabama – Vulcan the Iron Man – fifty-six foot-tall statue of Vulcan, the Roman smithy god, watches Birmingham from his tower on the summit of Red Mountain. Been there, done that, it is pretty neat,

Gadsden, Alabama – Noccalula Falls Doomed Maiden – An over-sized bronze statue of an Indian maiden teeters on the brink of Noccalula Falls. Legend says she flung herself to her doom because her father wanted her to marry a boy she didn’t like.  Ain’t love grand?  I’ve been there, done that, but did not purchase the t-shirt.

Oak Grove, Alabama – Housewife-Whacking Meteor Fell Here – A historical marker stands near the spot where 34-year-old Ann Hodges became the only known person to have been hit by a meteorite.  Apparently Ms. Hodges was taking a nap in the early afternoon of November 30, 1954, when an 8.5-pound meteorite crashed through the roof of her house and landed on her hip. She survived without much apparent damage.  However, it appears that the stress of subsequent fame led to a nervous breakdown and divorce. She died an invalid in 1972.   The moral of the story would appear to be that fame ain’t all that it is cracked up to be.

Decatur, Alabama – Pest Control Museum – Cook’s Pest Control, a long-established business headquartered in Decatur, originally set up some employee training displays on insects and the damage they inflict. There are many giant insect specimens — big roaches and beetles pinned to displays or slowly rotating on Lazy Susans. Wonder if they have a cafeteria…..

Enterprise, Alabama – Boll Weevil Monument – Swarms of the weevils ate up the cotton crop, forcing Enterprise to agriculturally diversify. The grateful town erected a classical statue of a woman holding a large version of the insect over her head, is smack dab in the middle of town, right in the center of Main Street.  If you have to choose between the boll weevil monument or the pest control museum, I would have to go with the lesser of two weevils.

For more out-of-the-way places no matter what state your travels take you to visit http://www.roadsideamerica.com/

Thought for the Week

When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money.  Then take half the clothes and twice the money.  ~Susan Heller

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday!  As the school year winds down and summer approaches, many of us might be drawing up those summer vacation plans.  However, some people should not be allowed to travel past the end of their driveway as demonstrated by the following (purportedly true) questions posed to travel agents.

Enjoy!

What is the safest seat on a plane if it crashes?

Is it safe to drink the bath water in Mexico?

Does the sun set there?

Is this the same moon we see at home?

Do I have to use my real name to buy the ticket?

Is there a walking tour on the cruise?

Can I get an aisle seat on the airplane so that my hair won’t get messed up?

How long is a one-day pass good for?

What time does the 9 o’clock ferry leave?

Exactly how many miles of undiscovered cave are there?

Why were all of the battles during the Civil War fought in National Parks?

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?” 

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied,

“Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” I explained to her that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked  up every airport code in the country  and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.” The customer retorted, “Oh  don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” The agent scoured  a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean  Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

Thought for the Week

Travel ought to combine amusement with instruction; but most travellers are so much amused that they refuse to be instructed. ~G.K. Chesterton, “What Is America?”, What I Saw in America, 1922

http://www.quotegarden.com