Today there is hope that we may finally get a definitive answer to this age old question. If you have heard of Fairborn, Ohio, it is most likely because of Wright Patterson Air Force base and the USAF Museum or perhaps you know it as the home of Wright State University. However, these days, lurking behind the education and defense industries is a chicken problem. It seems that one neighborhood in this city has been overrun by about 100 chickens and yes they are definitely crossing the road often with little or no regard for traffic laws.
Over the centuries many philosophers, poets, scientists, thinkers, writers and pundits have attempted to answer this question. Aristotle observed, “It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.” Voltaire declared that, “I may not agree with what the chicken crossing the road, but I will defend to the death its right to cross the road.” Kant postulated “Chickens, being autonomous beings, chose to cross the road of their own free will.” Shakespeare pondered, “To cross or not to cross, that is the question.” Mark Twain reminded us that, “the news of the chicken crossing the road has been greatly exaggerated.” Einstein wondered whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken.
More recently Dr. Seuss’ asked “Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!” The Mythbusters demonstrated that if you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon; not only will it cross a road, but it will be a lethal projectile in the process. Baseball great Pete Rose did not offer an answer to the question but claims that he never bet on whether or not a chicken crossed the road while Alex Rodriguez adamantly denies that chickens are crossing the road due to PEDs.
Some have tried to turn a profit on this question. Microsoft is planning on releasing eChicken8 for Windows which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, organize your important documents and photos and connect you to all social media.
The folks in Fairborn are dealing with chickens crossing the road, chickens on their porches, chickens in their trees, chickens chasing their children and chickens making lots of noise. But most of these folks are not crying fowl, they are sympathetic to the chickens because it is “not their fault.” They just want the chickens to find good homes, but admit that they are hard to catch.
Federal representatives from the Department of Agricultural as well as the F.B.I. have been dispatched to watch and observe this unique opportunity. It is also rumored that representatives from Popeyes and KFC have also been seen in the neighborhood.
One long-time resident reflected, “In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.”
When asked for comment, one local politician offered the following, “I’m sure, if we all just work together, that we can, as a people, help these chickens to cross this road. It’s time to end the cynical politics of the past that says chickens should stay on their side of the road. “
A scientific side note, it has been observed that there have been no prior reports of hundreds of chicken eggs in the area, so we can deduce without a doubt that indeed the chickens came before the eggs.