Happy Friday! Summer is officially over, fall is here and next week brings us the first presidential debate. This week I offer you some nonpartisan humor to help us make through the next couple of months.
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris’s cell phone rings.
If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from New York, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from Ohio. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Ohio contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The New York contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The New York contractor whispers back, “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official.
A minster walks into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, Reverend,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a Bible on the stoop along with a thank you note.
A few days later a police officer came in got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, officer,” the barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.
A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. “How much do I owe you?” he asked afterward. “No charge,” the barber replied. “I consider it a service to my country.” The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.
Thought for the Week
We have plenty of Confidence in this country, but we are a little short of good men to place our Confidence in. ~Will Rogers