Happy Friday! This brings us to the close of one year and the promise of a new one. Thank you for joining me on my weekly journey to bring a little laughter your way and I hope you will continue on the journey through 2017. Here are a few groaners to close out 2016.
My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight. One of the points of my diet is to stop eating poultry immediately, I am going cold turkey.
I was thinking about getting a nose job to kick off the new year, but I am not sure which one I should pick.
Did you know that Dr. Jekyll can’t drink his potion when he’s moving? It would appear that he can run but he can’t Hyde.
Did you know that Shakespeare once sold camping gear at a reduced price during the off-season? It seems it was his winter of discount tents.
Do you know which superhero has the most abstract thoughts? It has to be Wonder Woman.
I made the mistake at a holiday party of getting into a discussion about perpetual motion, this guy just went on and on.
I have a wonderful pet penguin. I was going to take him with me on an airplane, but they told me he couldn’t fly.
Last weekend I went to see a new horror movie about Legos, the suspense was building the whole time.
I went to the symphony and the conductor really wanted to look at the audience, but sometimes you just have to face the music.
Did you hear about the two florists who got married? I heard it was arranged.
Did you hear about the two shoelaces that dated for years? They finally decided that it was time to tie the knot.
I think one of the truly great inventions of my lifetime is the dry erase board, it really is remarkable.
Last year I decided I needed a new hobby, so I started studying moss. It seems I’ve taken a lichen to it.
Thought for the Week
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson,