Friday Funny December 28, 2018 One Liners to Close Out 2018

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  Thank you for allowing me to share a laugh or two with you during 2018.  I hope to bring a smile to your face in 2019 and want to wish you a joyous New Year!


I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I gave her nothing.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas – I couldn’t wait to see his face light up when he opened it.

My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look thinner.

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 17 things that I’m putting off until later.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing. It’s always, “Is Pepsi okay?”

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an ax.

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

I have an inferiority complex but it’s just not a very good one.

Thought for the Week

There are those who try to bottle the old year for safekeeping but at midnight the cork always pops. ~Terri Guillemets, “Memories old & new,” 2005


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