Friday Funny April 25, 2014 – A Tough Row to Hoe

lwff

It seems like Old Man Winter has finally packed his bags and left town.  As I look out at the world starting to turn green once again, it reminds me of all the work that needs to be done out-of-doors.  Alas, I have a brown thumb instead of a green thumb and things usually do not turn out well for me with lawns, flowers, fruits, and vegetables. If only I could grow green stuff in my garden as easily as I can grow it in my refrigerator.  I pulled my yard working jacket out of the closet only to find that I had left a packet of seeds in one of the pockets and it had turned into a giant Chia pet.  I told my wife it looked like it was time to get the lawn mower out and cut the grass but I was having a little trouble getting mowtivated.  She noted that I had a lot in common with a lawn mower, she said both were difficult to get started, smelled bad and only worked about half the time you wanted them to. However, I am a little excited about my new weed whacker, it is the latest in cutting-hedge technology.  But I keep trying; I guess I am learning by trowel and error.

I am a bit concerned about the increased number of night crawlers I have seen in my dirt; I suppose it is just another consequence of global worming.  I know this sounds kind of crazy, but I think someone is secretly adding soil to my garden, it is a certainly a mystery to me, the plot thickens.   I try not to say anything very sensitive while I am in the garden because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus I’ve got an ongoing problem with a mole; it seems he keeps passing on confidential information about my garden.

Last year all the vegetables had a race, it was close but the cabbage won by a head.  But it is not all fun and games in the garden, just like everywhere there are personal issues to deal with.  Last year two melons fell in love and wanted to get married, but they were too young so they cantaloupe. One day a guy walked up the gate of my garden and just picked up the garden gate walked off with it!  I was shocked but I thought it best not to say anything in case he took a fence

Gardening can take its toll on one’s health.  I once found myself in the doctor’s office with a parsnip in one ear, a carrot in the other and pole beans in my nostrils.  Exasperated, I asked the doctor, “What’s wrong with me doc?”  He told me that I needed to eat more sensibly.

Some days I picture myself as a real plant manager, but if I don’t get a raise in celery, I might just quit.  Gardening takes a lot of effort and patience; one cannot expect a bonsai tree to grow the miniature planting it.  Yet, some days I just lose track of time and my wife has to remind me when it is time to cummin.  How will this year’s garden turn out?  I suppose only thyme will tell.

Thought for the Week

A garden is always a series of losses set against a few triumphs, like life itself. ~May Sarton

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

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2 thoughts on “Friday Funny April 25, 2014 – A Tough Row to Hoe

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