Happy Friday and Happy Super Bowl Weekend! In honor of the Big Game, I dusted off the classic book “Football Laughs” by Herman L. Masin which I purchased through Scholastic Books in 1972 for $0.60. (I see this little gem is listed on ebay for $4.98 which would translate into about a 5% annual return so maybe it was a decent investment. Sorry, the accountant in me is slipping out.) Below are a few football jokes you can share Sunday.
“Gentlemen,” said the new head coach to his staff, “I have a suggestion for a change in our system and I’d like to hear your opinions about it. Those opposed to the idea may signify it by saying, ‘I quit.'”
The Chicago Bears had been something of a bust and the natives were getting restless. When a fire swept through the Bears’ office, destroying many records and play books, one of the local critics wrote: “That’s about the only way you could get the Bears to change their offense.”
The teams were tied with two minutes to play when the coach sent in his second-string quarterback with a special play. After looking over the defense, the scrub called a play of his own. It went for a touchdown that won the game.
After hugging the hero, the coach asked him what made him change the play.
“It was strictly a hunch,” was the reply. “I looked at the half back. His number was 14. Then I looked at the full back. His number was 21. So I called play 32.”
“But that adds up to 35,” said the coach.
“Maybe so,” replied the scrub. “But if I was as smart as you, we wouldn’t have won the game.”
TOSSED FROM THE GAME
The big tackle came running off the field.
“What’s the matter with you?” exclaimed the coach.
“The ref just threw me out of the game.”
The coach beckoned the official.
“What did you toss Johnson out for?”
“Because I caught him choking the opposing quarterback,” the ref said.
“Ah, you didn’t have to get so upset about it,” replied the coach. “The kid is just a practical choker.”
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” ~ George Will