Friday Funny February 6, 2015 Joke Potpourri

lgs

 

Happy Friday! As I was doing my exhaustive and extensive research for this week’s funny I came across a website that purported to have the top 50 funniest jokes ever told.  With a claim like that, I just had to peruse the contents.  So, here for your enjoyment are ten of those fifty and while they may not strike you as the funniest jokes you have ever heard, perhaps they might support the hypothesis that some of my jokes really are not that bad.

Enjoy! 

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Lady, that has got to be the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

”I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make it on Tuesday”

I saw in the paper that the police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. It said they charged one – and let the other one off.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Well, I guess we will see about that!

I slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace this morning.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I called her and asked, ”Did you get my drift?”.

Last week I cleaned the attic with my wife. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Four fonts walk into a restaurant, the hostess exclaimed, ”Get out! We don’t want your type in here”

A priest, a rabbi and a preacher walk into a bar. The bartender says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”

Two Eskimos are sitting in a kayak and getting cold.  They decide to light a little fire in the middle of the craft and it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

 Thought for the Week

What good is the warmth of summer without the cold of winter to give it sweetness. ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

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