Happy Friday! Another baseball season is underway. Few things are more enjoyable than a trip to the old ball yard to take in a game and to help get you in mid-season form for your next game, here are some lines that you can throw at the pitchers and hitters.
I’ve seen better arms on the Venus de Milo! I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair! I’ve seen better pitchers in Kool-Aid Commercials. I’ve seen more heat in an EZ-bake oven! I’ve seen more heat in a toaster! You couldn’t save a Word file! You couldn’t save anything at Wal-Mart! You couldn’t hold your dogs lead! I’ve seen better curves on a square! I’ve seen better sliders at White Castle! I’ve seen better windups on a toy! How about a donation for this walk-a-thon! You couldn’t find a plate in a kitchen! Click your heels 3 times and repeat after me…..there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home!
You’ve got fewer hits than an Amish website!
You’ve had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
You couldn’t drive home Miss Daisy! This guy hasn’t driven anybody home since the junior prom! You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat! Hey, my cholesterol level is higher than your batting average! Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back! Your hostess will seat you! (following a strikeout) I’ve seen better cuts at a deli! I’ve seen better cuts on a BeeGees album! This guy couldn’t hit a shift key! I’ve seen better swings in a park! I’ve seen better swings on a porch! You couldn’t hit the floor if you fell out of bed! You couldn’t knock the skin off of rice pudding!
Thought for the Week
“Correct thinkers think that ‘baseball trivia’ is an oxymoron: nothing about baseball is trivial.” ~ George Will
I will add these to my repertoire. Thanks. Yea Spring, I am glad for baseball season. When I was young Spring brought me thoughts of Hugs Kisses, Love and Baseball. at 82+ I am still batting 1000.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Waddaya mean – get ready to Heckel? Who goes to a ballgame either to paint or to do a bit of taxidermy?
Oh. Wait a minute. Not Heckel. It’s heckle. Never mind.
Is it okay if I Jeckle, instead?