Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny February 25, 2022 Some Mondegreens

2 Replies

Happy Friday!  Congratulations on making it to the end of February!  This week I thought I would break out some more song lyrics that are often misheard.  (If you want to impress your friends – they are called mondegreens.)  I am guessing there is a good chance one or more of these songs will be stuck in your head until the first of March.

Enjoy!

“We built this city on sausage rolls”/“We built this city on rock and roll”

‘We Built This City’ by Starship

“Saving his life from this warm sausage tea”/“Spare him his life from this monstrosity”

‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen

“A year has passed since I broke my nose”/“A year has passed since I wrote my note”

‘Message in a Bottle’ by The Police

“This is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus”/“This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius”

‘Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In’ by Fifth Dimension

“Kicking your cat all over the place”/“Kicking your can all over the place”

‘We Will Rock You’ by Queen

“We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning, said the worst attorney”/ “We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning, since the world’s been turning”

‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ by Billy Joel

“You’ve been outright offensive, for so long now”/“You’ve been out riding fences, for so long now”

‘Desperado’ by The Eagles

“I travel the world in generic jeans”/“I travel the world and the seven seas”

‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)’ by The Eurythmics

“See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen”/“See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen”

‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA

“I’ve got two chickens to paralyze”/“I’ve got two tickets to paradise”

‘Two Tickets to Paradise’ by Eddie Money

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Late February days; and now, at last,
Might you have thought that winter’s woe was past;
So fair the sky was, and so soft the air.”


~William Morris, “February: Bellerophon in Lycia,” The Earthly Paradise: A Poem, 1870

WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM

Friday Funny February 18, 2022 Techy Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  Technology is all around us impacting almost every part of our lives.  So, the least we can do is laugh about it once in a while.

Enjoy!

Would you call an iPhone that had run out of battery power Dead Siri-ous?

I found my Google Phone wearing glasses, apparently it has lost its contacts.

I had to change my password today.  I tried using ‘beef stew’ but I got a message that it was not strong-anoff.

 I heard that the PowerPoint presentation crossed the road to get to the other slide.

I worked with a guy who was so dense that he took his computer to his dentist to get his Bluetooth checked.

Is it true that horse have a very difficult time with the internet because they have trouble finding stable connections?

Would you call a ride sharing app that serves breakfast Eggs Uber Easy?

I accidentally dropped by new Google phone from the 25th floor, I am lucky it was in airplane mode.

I am so old that I can remember when I knew more than my phone.

I heard Marvel is working on a new techy-computer superhero, he will be a real Screen Saver.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to Phish and he will steal your identity.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory, apparently, I was not putting in enough shifts.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space. ~Author unknown

WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM

Friday Funny February 11, 2022 Super Bowl Conversation Hearts

Leave a reply

Happy Friday and Happy Super Bowl Weekend!  I have posted in prior years about my personal tradition of not watching the Super Bowl.  This year I will make the exception that I never expected to make – I will watch the Super Bowl because the Bengals are playing (I wrote that and I still do not believe it).  I will however leave the room during the halftime show unless the performance is “Up With People.”

This weekend brings the confluence of the Super Bowl and the cusp of Valentines Day so I was thinking that those conversation hears people need to take advantage of this and have Super Bowl themed conversation hearts.  I think the following would be a good start!

Enjoy!

Who Dey!             It Is Us!

Joey B                  Joe Cool

Apple A Day         Take the Bates

Touch Down         It’s Good!

Money Mac          Catch ‘n Chase

Eye of the Tiger    Super Bowl LVI

Mix ‘n Run           Punt

Kick                      Pass

Bandwagon          Underdog

Stripes!                 Bengals

To The House       Teamwork

First Down!          D-FENCE

1ST & Goal            Off Sides!

Victory                 Holding

Tee Time              Good Boyd

Snap                     Special Teams

Huddle                 Time Out

Blitz                     Joey Franchise

Zebras                  Uz-O-Mah

Fair Catch             Free Play

Fumble                 Icing

Shot Gun              Pocket

Interception          Reception

Sack                     Scramble

Spike                    Stiff Arm

Taunting               Touchback

Illegal Shift           Rush

Weak Side            Zone

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You don’t live in Cleveland. You live in Cincinnati!” ~ Sam Wyche, Cincinnati Bengals Coach

Friday Funny February 4, 2022 Potato Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy February! Congratulations on making it through the first month of 2022.  Let’s kick off a new month with some potato jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the potato crossed the road because he saw a fork up ahead?

I heard the father potato say to his son before the football game that he would be rooting for him.

Would you call a potato wearing glasses a spec-tater?

Would you call a fake potato an imi-tater?

Is it true that a potato’s favorite TV show is Starch Trek?

If you chopped the head off of a potato, would you say that it had been decap-potatoed?

Would you call a potato that’s always looking for a fight an agi-tater?

I heard that the father potato did not want his daughter to marry the news reporter because he was just a commen-tater.

I once knew a girl who owned three french-fry factories. I was very impressed but she said it was just small potatoes.

Would you call an indecisive potato a hesi-tater?

Would you call a potato that gets things done a facili-tater?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.” ~ Satchel Paige

Friday Funnies January 28, 2022 Football Funnies

Leave a reply

Happy last Friday in January! 2022 is almost 1/12 over which is hard to believe.  What is even harder to believe is that the Cincinnati Bengals are playing in the ACF Championship this weekend.  Maybe, just maybe, the tide is turning for the franchise that has been the brunt of jokes for too long.  So let’s kick off the weekend with some football jokes.

Who-Dey!

Is it true that when football players begin to have vision problems, they become referees?

Would you call an offensive lineman’s kid a chip off the old blocker?

Should centers wear hiking shoes?

Joe Burrow tried to tell a joke to his receivers but it went over their heads.

As the Bengals were boarding the plane for Kansas City, Mike Brown went up the service desk and said, “Put me in coach!”

If you crossed Joe Burrow with a carpet would you get a throw rug?

If you do not want to catch Covid-19 try dressing up as an NFL referee because they never seem to know what a catch is.

I heard that Joe Burrow had a dream that he would be an NFL quarterback – it appears his prediction came to pass.

Is it true that centipedes are not allowed to play football teams because it takes them too long to put their cleats on?

Is it true that old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away?

This week I wanted to make the Friday Funnies about football, I guess it is my goal post.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.” ~ Paul Brown

Friday Funny January 21, 2022 Strolling Down the Garden Path Sentence

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  Greetings again, another week down and time for a little levity.  We use words all day, every day and when we turn them around a little, they can bring a smile to us.

The following could be referred to as “Garden Path Sentences.”  They try to  deceive one in a sequence of steps, they “lead you down the garden path” to mislead you into parsing and interpreting them incorrectly.

Enjoy!

To write with a broken pencil is …pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.

A dentist and a manicurist married…then they fought tooth and nail.

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can’t budge it.

A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center . . . you’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; . . . it is two-tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is . . . a jab well done.

Thought for the Week

“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”  ~Franklin P. Jones

www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny January 14, 2021 But Wait! There Are More Jokes!

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! The holidays are behind us and we are smack in the middle of January 2022. While the days are cold and short, you might be spending more time watching television or surfing the Internet which exposes you to lots of advertising and marketing. So, this week let’s have a laugh for all the ads we see.

Enjoy!

I started a new job in the marketing department at Chips Ahoy, my first task is to enable cookies.

Is it true that Dracula does A-COUNT-based marketing?

I heard that digital marketers love to shop at Whole Foods because of all the organic content.

Is the best way to market cat food by developing buyer purrr-sonas?

I think Marvel should use the Hulk in more of its advertising, I mean he’s literally a giant Banner.

Yesterday I saw a huge billboard advertising clocks, I guess it’s just a sign of the times.

I heard about the marketer who switched to a job making butter, seems he had a high churn rate.

Is it true that a social media marketer’s favorite snack is Insta-graham crackers?

I heard about a digital marketer who dumped her long-time boyfriend over a serious lack of engagement.

I heard about a digital marketer who switched to professional tap dancing because he thought he was going to get paid per click.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots. ~Gardening saying

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny January 7, 2022 – Snow Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! I hope 2022 is off to a good start for you. This week has brought some snow to many part of the county, so let’s kick off a new year with some snow jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that a mountain’s favorite type of candy is Snowcaps?

Would you call a snowman with a six-pack an abdominal snowman?

Is it true that snowmen get around by riding an icicle?

Is it true that Frosty’s favorite relative is Aunt Artica?

Did you hear about the boy that was wearing only one boot because there was a 50 percent chance of snow?

Would you call a snowman’s dog a slush puppy?

Did you hear about the fortune teller that kept predicting snowstorms?  It turns out she didn’t have a crystal ball, it was a snow globe.

I read about a scientist who was conducting experiments with thin ice, it is expecting a major breakthrough.

It is so cold, I had to chop up my piano for firewood but I only got a chord.

I heard the next 007 will be a Snowman.  He has a license to chill.

Would you call the offspring of a Snowman, his Chill-dren?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Some people spend their entire lives seeing the snow without ever seeing the magic in the existence of one snowflake.” ~ Emily Littlejohn 

Friday Funny December 31, 2021, I See Jokes In Your Future

4 Replies

As we come to the end of another year, allow me to wish you a very Happy New Year! Thank you for allowing me to share a little humor with you this past year and I hope you will allow me to continue to do so in 2022.

Enjoy!

As I wrapped up the last workday of 2021, I was feeling bad about the future, then I installed the new version of Office and it improved my Outlook.

So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar, things got  pretty tense.

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future? Really, I read about a guy who did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

I was thinking today about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth. It was unsettling.

I am convinced that Highlighter pens will be very important in the future.  Mark my words.

I read that glass coffins will be popular in future.  Remains to be seen.

If I had a DeLorean, I do not think I would use it every day, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

If, in the future, a robot decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible, would that be a Procrastinator?

A friend convinced me that one can use ketchup to tell the future.  In Heinz-sight I should have known better.

I told my grandson that he should be a cement contractor. Now there is a field that has a solid future.

If you travel to the future and get decapitated there, would you be ahead of your time?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The future ain’t what it used to be.” ~ Yogi Berra

Friday Funny December 10, 2021 Christmas Shopping Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! The holiday season is in full swing, so to get you pumped up for shopping, here are some Christmas shopping jokes wrapped up just for you.

Enjoy!

Here is a tip on how to save a lot of money on Christmas shopping – simply express your political views on Facebook.

The other day I told my Mom that Amazon is the best place for Christmas shopping.  This morning she called me from Brazil.

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, “Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger dolls?” He said, “Aisle B, back.”

My wife said to me that if I got her one more stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it.  So, I bought her a candle.

I was Christmas shopping for my granddaughter so I asked what she was liked and my wife told me she likes “anything Frozen”. So, I got her some popsicles and some pizza rolls.

Is it true that Captain Nemo does not get any Christmas presents because he is always on the Nautilus?

I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.  It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

The only Christmas gift I got two years ago was a deck of sticky playing cards. I found that very hard to deal with.

The sweater my wife got me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity.  I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one free of charge.

Last Christmas, my wife bought me new beads for my abacus. It is the little things that count.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.” ~Eric Severeid