Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny October 16, 2015 Since the Last Time the Cubs Won the World Series…

Leave a reply

wrigley

The baseball post-season is well under way and the Cubs are still alive.  So, in honor of those Cubbies, this week’s Friday Funny looks back at what has been going on since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.

Enjoy!

The last time the World Series was won by the Chicago Cubs was 1908.  At that time only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub, only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.  In 1908 there were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads in the United States. The average worker in the US made between $200 and $400 per year.  The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was 30.  The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.  At the time the Cubs celebrated their victory Ty Cobb had 549 hits and it would be 33 years before Pete Rose would be born.

A lot has happened since that time:

Radio was invented; Cub fans got to listen to their team not play in the World Series.

TV was invented; Cub fans got to not watch their team play in the World Series.

Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

Wrigley Field added lights.

Baseball added 14 teams; six of those have won the World Series.

The Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox, Arizona Diamondbacks, and Florida Marlins have ALL won the World Series.

Eleven MLB Teams Moved To Different Cities

Fourteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown.

Nineteen perfect games have been pitched.

The Cubs Have Had 52 Managers.

The Chicago White Sox Have Won Two World Series.

The Home Run Record Has Been Broken, Twice.

Eight Players Have Entered The 600 Home Run Club.

The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

Man landed on the moon, no truth to the rumor that several home run balls thrown up by Cubs pitchers were found there.

The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered, and became the subject of major motion pictures.

Haley’s Comet passed Earth… twice.

Swing music, bell-bottoms, and disco came and went.

The US fought in World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, Persian Gulf War, Iraq War, Afghanistan War.

Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico became states.

Don Kessinger, Glen Beckert, Andre Dawson, Ryne Sandberg, Mark Grace, Ron Santo, Billy Williams and Ernie Banks!

Bump Wills, Roy Smalley, Corey Patterson, Milton Bradley, Tuffy Rhodes….

Thought for the Week

“One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.” –Joe Garagiola

Friday Funny October 9, 2015 Resume Mishaps

2 Replies

resume

Happy Friday!  Hope this has been a great week for you. On the other hand, maybe you did not have a great week, maybe your job has you down and you are ready to look for a new one.  In that case here are a few things you might want to skip as you brush up that resume.

Enjoy!

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

“I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

 “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

“Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”

Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”

Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”

Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.” (NO! I have never put this on a resume!)

Thought for the Week

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ~David Letterman

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny October 2, 2015 Drug Names

1 Reply

Rx-symbol

Happy Friday!  It is hard to believe that we have turned the calendar to October.  But the days are getting shorter and there is a bit of nip in the air this week, so I suppose there is no denying that fall is here.  

It is pretty much impossible to watch anything on television these days without seeing commercials for some drug.  When I hear the listing of side effects, it makes me want to stay away from all of them.  I also wonder about the names that a lot of the new drugs have.  I suppose they pay some marketing guru big bucks.  However, I think they have had a few misses on the names.  So this week I will offer what I think the following drugs should treat based on their names.

Enjoy!

Latuda and Farxiga – for some reason I just find these names amusing and think they would be great names for anti-gas medicines.

Telaprevir – it seems logical that this drug would used be a politician or newscaster to help them clearly read a teleprompter

Idebenone – you take it and you just disappear….

Brentuximab vedotin & Cabazitaxel – perhaps one would take either of these to treat motion sickness while riding in a taxi cab.

Abirsaterone – seems like this might be used by a male, middle voice range opera singer.

Lyrica – if you have trouble remembering words to songs, this would be the drug for you.

Anakinra-if waching Star Wars movies for too long causes a headache, take this and keep watching.

Cisplatin -this would be good to apply after you fall flat on your face.

Domperidone – not sure what this would treat, but I am sure it would be taken by the glassful and be very expensive.

Vinblastine and Warfarin – whatever this treats would be related to the military and would be highly classified.

Thought for the Week

He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. ~Benjamin Franklin

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny September 25, 2015 As Yogi Said

1 Reply

yogi

Happy Friday!  This week has brought an end to summer and the first days of fall.  This week also brought an end to the life of a unique legend, Yogi Berra.  Here are a few of my favorite yogi-isms.

Enjoy!

It ain’t over till it’s over.

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

It’s like déjà vu all over again.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

The future ain’t what it used to be.

It gets late early out here.

If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.

Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

I never said most of the things I said.

Thought for the Week

Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too. ~ Yogi Berra

http://www.brainyquote.com

Friday Funny September 18, 2015 Some Short Reads

Leave a reply

silas bd3 053

Happy Friday!  Are you one of those folks that would like to read but just cannot ever seem to find the time?  I think I have an answer for you!  Here is a list of books that will take no time at all to read.

Enjoy! 

Winning Playoff Football by Marvin Lewis                                                                                              A Super Bowl Season with the Cleveland Browns                                                                               Cubs World Series Appearance for 100 Years
Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
America’s Most Popular and Lovable Lawyers
Anagrams With “Bob”                                                                                                                            Words That Rhyme With Orange
Words to Live By From Dr. Jack Kevorkian                                                                                       George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
Mike Tyson’s Guide to Etiquette
PETA’s Guide to Wildlife Cooking
Staple Your Way to Success
The Amish Electrician’s Handbook                                                                                                         Care and Maintenance of Email Servers by Hillary Clinton                                                             Clutch Hitting with Jay Bruce
The Accountant’s Guide to Fashion                                                                                                          A Compendium of Iranian Nobel Prize Winners
Journeys Through The Mind Of A Jellyfish
Arctic Water Polo                                                                                                                                         The Thinking Man’s Guide to Reality Television                                                                                    How to be Humble by Donald Trump                                                                                                    How to Keep a Low Profile by Kim Kardashian                                                                                Positive Publicity and Promotion by Kanye West                                                                                A Bowler’s Guide to Health & Fitness

Thought for the Week

“Literature is a textually transmitted disease, normally contracted in childhood.”
― Jane Yolen, Touch Magic: Fantasy, Faerie & Folklore in the Literature of Childhood 

Friday Funny August 28, 2015 A Dozen Thoughts to Ponder This Weekend

2 Replies

lgs

Happy Friday!  Another work week is in the books and the weekend approaches to provide rest and relaxation.  As you sit and ponder this weekend, here are a few thoughts for you to mull around a bit.

Enjoy!

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are missing.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Procrastinate Now!

My Dog Can Lick Anyone.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs – A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

Thought for the Week

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny August 21, 2015 Mindset of the Class of 2019

1 Reply

college-photo_1834.

It appears many of the colleges in my corner of the world are having “move-in” days for freshman this week and are gearing up to start classes next week.  Each year, about this time, Beloit College publishes their “Mindset List” noting events that have shaped the incoming freshman class.  This week I thought I would share some of the items from this year’s list that caught my attention and reminds me that I am getting old!  If you want to see the whole list go to http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/

Most students heading into their first year of college this year were born in 1997. 

Among those who have never been alive in their lifetimes are Princess Diana, Jacques Cousteau, and Mother Teresa.

When they were born, cell phone usage was so expensive that families only used their large phones, usually in cars, for emergencies.

They have never licked a postage stamp.

Email has become the new “formal” communication, while texts and tweets remain enclaves for the casual.

Google has always been there, in its founding words, “to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible.” 

They have grown up treating Wi-Fi as an entitlement.  

Their parents have gone from encouraging them to use the Internet to begging them to get off it.

The Airport in Washington, D.C., has always been Reagan National Airport.       

They have avidly joined Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione as they built their reading skills through all seven volumes.

The Atlanta Braves have always played at Turner Field.

“Crosstown Classic” and the “Battle of the Bay” have always been among the most popular interleague rivalries in Major League Baseball.

The eyes of Texas have never looked upon The Houston Oilers.

TV has always been in such high definition that they could see the pores of actors and the grimaces of quarterbacks. 

In a world of DNA testing, the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington has never included a Vietnam War veteran “known only to God.”

The Lion King has always been on Broadway.

Splenda has always been a sweet option in the U.S.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith have always been Men in Black, not their next-door neighbors.

The proud parents recorded their first steps on camcorders, mounted on their shoulders like bazookas.

Copyright© 2015 Beloit College

Thought for the Week

“If the college you visit has a bookstore filled with t-shirts rather than books, find another college.” ― R. Albert Mohler Jr.

Friday Funny August 14, 2015 More Back to School Jokes

1 Reply

Scan0003 (2)

Happy Friday!  It is Back to School time once again, so here are a few jokes to get you to the head of the class.

Enjoy!

Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!

Mom: What did you do at school today? Mark: We did a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Mark: That’s right!

Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”

One morning a boy walks in to class late. His substitute teacher asks him “Where have you been?” He replies “Throwing pebbles at a car.” Fifteen minutes later a girl walks in, the teacher asks “where have you been?” she answers “throwing pebbles at a car.” Twenty minutes later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher says, “Let me guess, you were throwing pebbles at a car.” “No miss,” she answers, “my name is Pebbles.”

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Thought for the Week

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.  ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny August 7, 2015 Danger! Danger Will Robinson!

3 Replies

warning_sign_clip_art_25601

Happy Friday!  I would imagine that every day you read some sort of product instruction and/or warning.  Many of these are informative and useful.  The ones that follow are neither.

Enjoy!

Craftsman Push Mower – Warning: Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running or plugged into an outlet.

Pine Mountain Fire Logs – Caution: Risk of fire

Unknown Korean Kitchen Knife – Keep out of children.

Nytol Sleeping Pills – May cause drowsiness.

Vidal Sassoon Hair Dryer – Do not use while sleeping.

Razor Scooter- This product moves when used.

Apple’s iPod Shuffle –Do not eat.

Liquid Plummer –Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex – Do not spray in eyes.

Bowl Fresh – Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Toilet Plunger – Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool –This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter – Safe to use around pets.

Hair Coloring – Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Komatsu Floodlight – This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fix-a-Flat – WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Air Conditioner – Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron – Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Nabisco Easy Cheese – For best results, remove cap.

Hershey’s Almond Bar – Warning: May contain traces of nuts

Heinz Ketchup – Instructions: Put on food

Thought for the Week

There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day. ~Alexander Woollcott

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

 

Friday Funny July 31, 2015 Farm Grown Jokes

Leave a reply

IMG_0061

 

Happy Friday!  Driving around lately I have noticed how tall the corn has gotten and that reminded me of all the hard-working farmers out there who provide the food we enjoy everyday.  So, in their honor, here are a few farmer related jokes.

Enjoy!

Politicians Accident

A bus filled with politicians was going driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, a tire blew out causing the bus to run off the road and crash into a large tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

A Talking Cow

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer. “Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“That would be Bessie,” said the farmer. “I wouldn’t listen to her, she doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Tragic Farm Accident

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. 

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer; however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

Thought for the Week

It is not easy to walk alone in the country without musing upon something.  ~Charles Dickens

http://www.quotegarden.com