Happy Friday the 13th! Hopefully you do not suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th. This is a day just like any other day. Actually you are in luck, here are 13 jokes about Friday the 13th.
It may be Friday the 13th, but I am not superstitious, I’m just a little ‘stitious.
I used to live on the 13th floor but I recently moved up to the 14th floor, but that’s another story.
I heard that on Friday the 13th Italian people like to eat Fettuccini Afraid-o.
I heard that on Friday the 13th ghosts like to eat spook-eti.
I heard that cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th; they said she was a purr-petrator.
I heard that a vampire’s favorite type of coffee on Friday the 13th is decoffin-ated.
I heard that Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th movies) likes his coffee strong and deca-pitated.
What’s the first thing a sorority girl does on Friday the 13th? Nothing. She’s the first to go.
You know, cracking a serial killer jokes on Friday the 13th is acceptable as long as they are properly executed.
I am curious, if Black Friday falls on Friday the 13th do prices get slashed?
Would Friday the 13th be even scarier if it were on a Monday?
They say if a black cat crosses your path on Friday the 13th, it’s bad luck. But let’s be honest, at my age, bending down to shoo it away is the real hazard.
Friday the 13th? Bah! I lived through disco. Now THAT was scary.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” ~ Groucho Marx
Happy Friday! High school and college football is underway and this weekend brings the start of the NFL season, so let’s kick off the weekend with some football jokes.
Enjoy!
Did you know that football players cannot wear glasses because it is a contact sport?
I heard that a football payer’s favorite ice cream is any given sundae.
Did you hear about the octopus who was the player of the game because he had ten tackles?
I heard that football players tend to tackle their problems head on.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant? “Put me in Coach!”
Did you hear about the football punter who deiced to marry his high school sweetheart because she was a fair catch?
I heard that a football player’s least favorite drink is penal-tea.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession.
In 2019 the Bengals played the Patriots and the Bengals threw 4 interceptions, I think Paul Brown turned over in his grave.
Is the best offensive player on Miami, the player with the most all-porpoise yardage?
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“There’s golf to be played and tennis to be served up and other things to be done out there besides worrying about a silly football game.” ~Sam Wyche following Bengals loss to Browns in 1991
Happy Friday and Happy Labor Day Weekend! This means that summer is unofficially over. These days, most schools are already a week or two into the new school year and you have probably seen numerous cute pictures of kids headed off for the first day of a new school year. However, when I was growing up Labor Day Weekend also meant that it was time for school to start. If I recall correctly, we always stated on Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. The schools were not air conditioned and while it could be pretty warm the first week or so, it seems like it was usually bearable.
This Labor Day weekend has me reminiscing even more than usual about the start of school. For it was this time sixty years ago, I was preparing to set off my very first day of school. I am the youngest of three children and I remember how disappointed I was when my brother and sister set off for school and left me behind. I was excited that my time had finally arrived even though I had to walk to school that first day of kindergarten and everyday thereafter through eighth grade – and the school was located all the way ACROSS the street from my house. Let me tell you, I had it rough!
Above is a picture of the afternoon kindergarten class at Shiloh Elementary School for the 1964-1965 school year. There are 29 little faces in the picture along with Mrs. Wilson, the kindergarten teacher and Mr. Jones, the Principal. I am in the second row, next to the end on the right as you look at the picture. My Mom sent me off on picture day with a jacket and a tie. I suppose I was destined to turn out as a nerd or an accountant (I am an accountant).
As I look at the picture, I would like to say that I can name everyone; however, I am fairly confident that I can name about half of the pupils. There are about a half dozen that I am friends with on Facebook and so I have an idea of where life took them and what they are doing these days. Sadly, I know of at least one that has passed on. That first day of school in 1964 was when I met these folks for the first time. The young man in the first row, next to the end on the right as you look at the picture, just to the left of me became a fast friend, a confidant through the tumultuous teenage years, a roommate when we both transferred to Miami University (about this time 45 years ago), served as my best man over 40 years ago and remains a trusted friend to this day. The morning kindergarten class included a young man who is the President of the company that I work for.
Over the years of elementary school, high school and college many other people came into my life and impacted me in many ways and many of those have remained in my life as friends through the years and through the decades. Yet, the 29 folks in this picture have a special place in my life for they were there at the beginning of my adventure. My learning had already begun before that first day of school and it continued long after I turned my last tassel and continues to this day.
It is hard for me to believe it has been 60 years since my first day if school, time does indeed fly. Shiloh Elementary School closed in the 80’s and was torn down a number of years ago. The building is gone but what I learned there and the friendships I made there live on.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” ~ Plato
You can find the latest podcast episode of “Leonard Looks At Life” at this link
Happy Friday! We are approaching the end of July and heading into August. I suppose you could say we are heading into the Dog Days of Summer. So, why not some dog jokes this week?
Enjoy!
A friend told me that every day when he gets home, he asks his dog how his day was, and every day he always receives the same reply, “Ruff.”
I once bought a dog from a blacksmith, as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
The other day, I thought I saw a white dog, but after I spotted it I noticed it looked more like a Dalmatian.
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well, he’s a good buoy!
Did you hear about the dog who was stealing shingles because he wanted to become a woofer?
I heard that the difference between a businessman and a warm dog is that the businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except the bark is much quieter.
Did you know that Corgi are not funny because all of them are really short?
If you connect a Corgi to a battery, would you get a short circuit?
Would you call a large dog that meditates an aware wolf?
Doesn’t it seem odd that dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings since it is almost never for them?
I have prepared a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you send me $19.95 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“The tales of summer are as endless as the heatwaves that ripple across the horizon.” ~ Renee Ahdieh
Happy Friday! As you approach another weekend, I want to help you stay on the right side of the law. So please not the unique laws below and behave accordingly.
Enjoy!
In Mississippi, it is illegal to give beer to an elephant.
In Florida, it is illegal to park to tie your elephant to a parking meter without paying the parking fee.
In San Francisco, it is illegal to take your elephant on a walk unless it is on a leash.
In Massachusetts, it is illegal to have a gorilla in the backseat of your car.
In Nevada, it is illegal to have a camel on the highway.
In Missouri, it is illegal to wrestle a bear.
In Arizona, it is illegal to let your donkey sleep in the bathtub.
In Alabama, it is illegal to blindfold your pets in the car.
In Idaho, it is illegal to allow your pet to smoke a cigar.
In Minnesota, it is illegal for a cat to chase a dog up a telephone pole.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst.” ~ Aristotle
It has been a few weeks, but I have dropped a new podcast – you can find it at the following link.
Leonard's Lines 