Tag Archives: coffee

Friday Funny June 18, 2021 Too Much Coffee

Happy Friday! Growing up, I thought that I would never drink coffee. Then during my freshman year of college I came to the realization that coffee was a lot cheaper than soda pop. Ever since then I have been drinking a LOT of coffee, but how much coffee is too much coffee? (That is a silly question – there is never too much!) However, if you think it is possible to have too much coffee, there are a few signs that might serve as indicators.
Enjoy!

You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When…
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• All your kitchen appliances are made by Mr. Coffee.
• You speed walk – in your sleep.
• You grind your own coffee beans – in your mouth.
• The doctor uses a tachometer to take your pulse.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spent your last vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
• You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
• You have a T-shirt that says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
• All your children are named “Joe”.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.
• You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You walk twenty minutes on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• Dunkin’ Doughnuts owns the mortgage on your house.
• Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans. •
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You once had a crush on Mrs. Olsen.
• You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
• You don’t tan, you roast.
• You can’t even remember your second cup.
• You help your dog chase its tail
.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
• You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
• You named your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
• Your birthstone is a coffee bean
• Your blood type is Arabica positive.
• Your resume lists Tim Horton as a reference.
• You have a tattoo that says, “Born to Brew.”
• You can play the “Minute Waltz” in 34 seconds
• When someone says. “How are you?” you reply, “Good to the last drop.”
• You introduce your spouse as your Coffeemate.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.~ Dave Barry

Things That Irritate Me – #17 Self-Serve Coffee Preparers

I admit that there are a few things in life that irritate me, my wife would say there are a LOT of things that irritate me.  One of the things that I get irritated and impatient with is the person that tends to be in front of me at the hotel self-serve coffee bar.  I go to the coffee bar at the hotel bar for what, I think is the obvious reason – I would like a cup of coffee.  However, it seems like I always get a person in front of me who either thinks they are auditioning for a career as a barista ore believes that pouring a cup of coffee is some sort of abstract performance art.

My process consists of the following steps:

  1. grab a cup
  2. pour coffee
  3. stir
  4. grab a lid
  5. get out of the way

Depending on how fast the coffee flows out of the decanter, this process can take as little as 5 seconds.

HOWEVER, I the person that inevitably is in front of me at the coffee bar usually goes through the following steps:

  1. thoughtfully select a cup
  2. thoughtfully examine all coffee decanters in view
  3. thoughtfully examine all other items on the coffee bar
  4. fill cup 3/8s full from one decanter
  5. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  6. fill cup another 3/8s from another decanter
  7. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  8. pick up a sugar packet, shake for 5 seconds, tear and deposit sugar in coffee
  9. stir coffee
  10. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  11. pick up another  sugar packet, shake for 5 seconds, tear and deposit sugar in coffee
  12. stir coffee
  13. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  14. add half and half to coffee
  15. stir coffee
  16. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  17. add honey to coffee
  18. stir coffee
  19. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  20. add a touch of cinnamon to coffee
  21. stir coffee
  22. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  23. add almond milk to coffee
  24. stir coffee
  25. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  26. pick up another  sugar packet, shake for 5 seconds, tear and deposit sugar in coffee
  27. stir coffee
  28. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  29. thoughtfully select a lid
  30. put lid on while being certain to remain in the middle of the coffee bar
  31. thoughtfully take a sip of coffee
  32. slowly begin to walk away

While I watch this process takes place, I am certain that several minutes have elapsed and I am now more in need of my coffee than ever.  I approach the coffee bar and 5 seconds later I have my coffee and am on way.  I do notice as I walk away that the person who was in front of me has turned around and is heading back to the coffee bar with a thoughtful look on her face.