Tag Archives: Puns

Friday Funny September 30, 2016 Another Baker’s Dozen of Puns

lgs

Happy Friday!  Can you believe that this week brings us to the end of the third quarter of 2016? As we kick off this weekend, here is a another baker’s dozen of puns for you to ponder.

Enjoy!

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I am uncertain of your reaction.

I thought about trying to annoy you with bird puns, but I realized that toucan play at that game.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey. (Sorry, I usually hate insects puns, they really bug me.)

The other day I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought to myself now this is the last thing I need.

I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!

Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half

Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. When I woke up, my wife said that I’d been Tolkien in my sleep

I was in the grocery the other day and this guy just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

Awhile back I heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means!? It’s not like it is the end of the world!

I once knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

Thought for the Week

“Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.” ~ Edgar Allan Poe

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Friday Punny March 27, 2015

lgs

 

Happy Friday!  Hoping that things are starting to green up in your corner of the world. Here is a baker’s dozen of puns to kick off your weekend.

Enjoy!

I couldn’t understand how my seat belt worked. Then it clicked.

Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.  All I did was take a day off.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

How does Moses make his coffee?  He-brews it.

Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was told he had to upgrade to Windows 7? “I still love Vista, baby.”

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Thought for the Week

“A pun is the lowest form of humor – when you don’t think of it first.” ~ Oscar Levant

Friday Funny September 12, 2014 A Baker’s Dozen of Puns

SanDiego2010 006

Happy Friday!  I hope you have had a great week.  Let’s kick off this weekend with some puns you can share or torment your friends and co-workers with.

Enjoy!

I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn’t have much of a plot.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

I was going to join the optimist club but I did not think they would approve my application.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

Going vegetarian is a missed steak. 

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

Thought for the Week

The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability. ~Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia, 1849      www.quotegarden.com