Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny December 16, 2016 How to Confuse Santa

“There is no more dangerous or disgusting habit than that of celebrating Christmas before it comes, as I am doing in this article. It is the very essence of a festival that it breaks upon one brilliantly and abruptly, that at one moment the great day is not and the next moment the great day is.” ~ G. K. Chesterton

Friday Funny December 9, 2016 What Not to Buy This Christmas

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.” ~ Peg Bracken

Friday Funny December 2, 2016 For Your Holiday Viewing Pleasure

Happy Friday! The Thanksgiving turkey is probably still living on as leftovers of some sort. Perhaps the tree is up and the shopping is underway – ’tis the Season!!

Enjoy!

With the advent of the age of television, holiday traditions have changed to include gathering around the television or computer or tablet to watch Christmas movies and television specials. There are a many classic, memorable ones as well as a lot of not so classic, quite forgettable ones. Some of my favorites, not necessarily in any order, are: It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Even some of the holiday commercials were classic. I still insist that Charlie Brown is not the same without the Dolly Madison commercials. I also miss the Norelco commercial with Santa sledding on the electric razor – “Noelco – even our name says Merry Christmas.”

We are just one week removed from Thanksgiving and already the holiday specials are in full force. This Christmastime, look beyond the old standards. Take a few moments to study your channel guide you might uncover some new gems or you might stumble across some of those specials that are better left buried. Here are a few that many have tried to forget:

A Very Brady Christmas (1988) – They managed to get everyone back from the original cast except for Cindy and Sam the Butcher (actually a butcher not a deranged killer in a hockey mask). Apparently Mr. & Mrs. Brady cannot agree on a vacation plan, so they decide to use the money to bring everyone together for Christmas. Unfortunately they have all grown up and their adult problems can no longer be resolved neatly within a half hour. The plot thickens more than Alice’s Thanksgiving gravy when Mr. Brady learns that a ruthless businessman he designed a building for has cut corners resulting in the building collapsing and trapping two security guards. Mr Brady, of course, manages to free but the trapped guards but becomes trapped himself. But these are the Brady’s so eventually everything works out, only now it takes two hours. The joyful end has them all singing “O Come All Ye Faithful.”

A Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987) – the special is co-hosted by Rex, an intellectual tyrannosaurus and Herb, a dimwitted styracosaurus with a voracious appetite. The dynamically opposed duo carry on a running gag about wassailing while we are entertained by walruses singing “Angels We Have Heard on High” as well as Wise Men and their doo-wopping camels singing “We Three Kings.” All this leads up a crescendo as The California Raisins present their rendition of “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.”

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (2000) – would we really expect much from a thirty minute cartoon based on this song? Somehow Santa is still a good guy even though he does run over Grandma and abducts because he doesn’t know who she is (pretty much destroys your confidence in accuracy of the naughty/nice list).

Christmas Comes to Pac-Land (1982) – If you can make Christmas specials based on songs, why not try a Christmas special based on a TV Show which was based on an arcade video game! Perhaps the not so veiled message of this one was just go out and purchase Pac-Man related merchandise as gifts for everyone.

Instead, Santa crash lands in Pac-Land, and Pac-Man and his friends have to help Santa get back on the road (the sky?) to deliver those all-important presents. The ghost monsters obviously make an appearance, there’s lots of snow, presents are mentioned over and over, and we get to see Pac-Man in a winter scarf and hat.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – If you are looking for the holiday equivalent of Plan 9 From Outer Space, this is the movie for you! When Kimar and the other members of Mars’ ruling council can’t make their children happy they have a meeting with the ancient, mysterious wise man, Chochem who provides a solution, kidnap Santa Claus from Earth. Not only do you get Santa and Martians, but it has a groovy soundtrack – hurray for Santy Claus! You will want to look away, but it is so bad you will watch it to the very end.

Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) – With renewed interest in the Star Wars franchise and a new movie coming out this month, one might think it would be a good time to dust this one off and air it again. Don’t count on it. This one was so long ago and far away that some will question that it ever existed – which is exactly what George Lucas is wishing for. The show was broadcast in its entirety only once and somehow I managed to miss it during my freshman year in college. Chewbacca and Han Solo visit Kashyyyk, which is Chewbacca’s home world, to celebrate Life Day. We get to meet Chewbacca’s family (did you ever wonder if he had a family?): his father Itchy (no, really), his wife Malla, and his son Lumpy. Of course any Star Wars special has to include some trouble caused by the Empire. But the “highlight” has to be the poor acting and bad singing from the original Star Wars cast. Yoda might say, “Search the web and find it, you will.”

Thought for the Week

Whatever else be lost among the years,
Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing;
Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears,
Let us hold close one day, remembering
Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men.
Let us get back our childlike faith again.
~Grace Noll Crowell

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 25, 2016 Thanksgiving

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I hope you were able to enjoy Thanksgiving Day. In 1863 Abraham Lincoln proclaimed the last Thursday of November as a national day of Thanksgiving in the midst of the Civil War. Since 1939, the fourth Thursday in November has been designated as that goes far beyond parades, football and holiday shopping deals.

Of course, we realize that the roots of Thanksgiving goes mush further back. From our earliest days in grade school we associated Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims and their 1621 feast which lasted three days and consisted of fish, shellfish, fowl, venison, berried, fruit, vegetables, grains, beans, corn and squash. Even in the midst of hardship those that had survived a difficult first year in the new world were thankful for what they had.

Much more recently, in 1973, we were provided a new perspective on this day with the arrival of “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.” If you remember, Peppermint Patty calls and invites herself and her friends Marcie and Franklin over to “Chuck’s” house for a holiday dinner. With the help of Linus and Snoopy, Charlie Brown makes quick preparations. As the guests arrive they all directed to the backyard ping-pong table where their feast awaits. Linus leads the group in prayer, and Snoopy serves up the food, throwing the plates to each guest Frisbee-style. Each person receives two slices of buttered toast, pretzel sticks, a handful of popcorn, and some jelly beans. The guests think this odd at first, but they decide in the end they are thankful for what they have.

Today we use modern ovens, rosters, smokers, fryers and microwaves to quickly and efficiently prepare turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, vegetables, pumpkin and pecan pie. Many items are purchased at the nearby grocery at the last-minute as we ponder how we will survive the few hours the grocery might be closed on Thanksgiving Day. There is a morning’s worth of parades (which really aren’t even parades any longer) followed by the NFL treating us to the Detroit Lions who, for a change this year, are not one of the biggest turkeys in the league, the Dallas Cowboys and one more Thursday Night game. The next day offers “Black Friday” where apparently all thankfulness and civility is quickly discarded in an effort to wrestle door-buster specials away from anyone who dares to get in our way. Saturday delivers a slew of college football rivalry games including Ohio State & “that school up north.”

In the midst of all the frantic activity of this long weekend, can we pause for at least a moment to ponder at least one thing we are thankful for? This week, this day, take a few moments and reflect on what those Pilgrims went though, on what Abraham Lincoln called the country to,yes even what Charlie Brown reminded us of – take more than a moment to be Thankful for all the goods things.

Thought for the Week

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 18, 2016 Feeling My Age

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Happy Friday! I hope you have had a good week.

From time to time, I realize that I am not as young as I used to be. When that happens, the options are to despair or to laugh about it. I choose to laugh about it and invite you to laugh with me as I realize how many of this following sings of old age apply to me (careful, they might apply to you too!)

Enjoy!

SIGNS YOU ARE NOT AS YOUNG AS YOU USED TO BE

You sing along with the elevator music.

You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

Most parts of your body hurt and the parts that don’t hurt don’t work.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.

That gleam in your eyes is just the sun hitting your bifocals.

You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

You actually look forward to a dull evening.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

Your knees buckle, but your belt doesn’t.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Now that you finally know all the answers, nobody asks you the questions any longer.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You feel like you have more patience, but actually it’s just that you don’t care anymore.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

You use words like “equity” and “annuity” in conversations and know what they mean.

You find yourself watching the Weather Channel for no reason in particular.

Thought for the Week

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”~ “Satchel” Paige

Friday Funny November 11, 2016 An Easy Quiz for Friday

1 Reply

Happy Friday! The sun came up today and you do not have to watch any more political ads or receive any political phone calls this weekend! So take a deep breath and relax.

Today is Veterans Day, so say “thank you” to a veteran when you have the opportunity.

Let’s kick off the weekend with a little pop quiz to get the brain functioning again.

Enjoy!

Pencils at the ready! Here we go!

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? Yes or No

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister? Yes or No

6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?

8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

11. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5′ 10” tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?

Pencils down – no cheating!

The Answers:

1. Is there a fourth of July in England? Yes, it comes after the third of July, did you think they just skip that day in other countries?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have? Only one, all the rest are anniversaries.

3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? Check your calendar, they all have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning? 6 – three in the top and three in the bottom.

5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister? If he has a widow, he will not be marrying anyone.

6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 70. (30 divided by 2 equals 15, but 30 divided by 1/2 equals 60)

7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 2, you took them, remember?

8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last? 60. Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 9, all BUT 9 die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 0 I don’t believe Moses had an ark. If you need an ark built, I Noah guy!

11.A clerk in the butcher shop is 5′ 10” tall. What does he weigh? If he works in a butcher shop, probably a good chance that he weights MEAT.

12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen? There are usually 12 in a dozen no matter that the dozen.

Hope you got at least a few of those right. Now, share these questions with someone else and, of course, tell them that you did not miss any!

Thought for the Week

“Our veterans left everything they knew and loved and served with exemplary dedication and courage so we could all know a safer America and a more just world. They have been tested in ways the rest of us may never fully understand…. On Veterans Day, and every day, let us show them the extraordinary gratitude they so rightly deserve…” ~Barack Obama, 2015 November 5th, quoted from The White House Office of the Press Secretary

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 4, 2016 Heading Home

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Happy Friday! If you are a Cubs fan, it has been a great week for you as “the curse” has finally been put to rest. As the glory of the 2016 World Series fades, I wanted to leave you with some baseball thoughts to keep you warm through the coming cold winter months. Spring training is less than four months away!

Enjoy!

You can describe baseball in one word: ‘Youneverknow.’- Joaquin Andujar

The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a professional endeavor. — Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
– Casey Stengel

There comes a time in every man’s life and I’ve had many of them. – Casey Stengel

See that fella over there? He’s 20 years old. In 10 years, he’s got a chance to be a star. Now that fella over there, he’s 20 years old, too. In 10 years he’s got a chance to be 30.
– Casey Stengel

I remember one time going out to the mound to talk with Bob Gibson. He told me to get back behind the plate where I belonged, and that the only thing I knew about pitching was that I couldn’t hit it. – Tim McCarver

I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
– Babe Ruth

I’ve had pretty good success with Stan by throwing him my best pitch and backing up third. – Carl Erskine, on how to pitch to Stan Musial:

I got my faults but living in the past is not one of them … there’s no future in it. – Sparky Anderson

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.
– Bill Veeck

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many players on the field? – Jim Bouton

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball … unfortunately, neither of them works. – Charlie Lau

The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait for it to stop rolling and then pick it up. – Bob Uecker

It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future. – Yogi Berra

Thought for the Week

I’ve seen the future, and it’s much like the present, only longer.
– Dan Quizzenberry

Friday Funny October 28, 2016 Fifteen Signs You Are Too Old for “Trick or Treat”

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Happy Friday! This weekend is the time to stock up on goodies for the little ghouls and goblins who will be paying you a visit soon. You might even be tempted to go out for “Trick or Treat” yourself; however before you grab a pillowcase and head toward your neighbor’s house take a few moments to ponder if you just might be a bit to old for this.

Enjoy!

YOU’RE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT WHEN…

…You have trouble staying up late enough for Trick or Treat to begin.

…Your biggest fear is biting into a Bit-O-Honey and getting your dentures stuck in it.

… Almost anything currently hanging in your closet can be used as a costume.

…Your costume is older than most of the kids out for Trick or Treat.

…You have been dressing up as Luke Skywalker ever since Episode IV was released.

…You have been dressing up as Michael Myers ever since the original Halloween was released.

…You started dressing up as Elvis when he was still alive.

… Your back begins to ache from carrying around that heavy bag of candy.

… People say, “Great Frankenstein Mask,” and you’re not wearing a mask.

… The door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

… By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

…You remember when “Thriller” was a new song.

…You remember when “The Monster Mash” was a new song.

… You’re the only Ghost-buster in the neighborhood with a walker.

…You don’t think “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” is the same without the Dolly Madison commercials.

Thought for the Week

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat.” “No thank you.” ~ Rita Rudner

Friday Funny October 21, 2016 Emails for the Trash Bin

Friday Funny October 14, 2016 Take My Jokes, Please!

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Happy Friday! This is an exciting week for me as one of my son’s is getting married this weekend. So, of course, I had to offer up a little matrimonially related humor.

Enjoy!

There are two times a man does not understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs that fell in love? They got married in the spring.

Did you hear about the two antennae that got married? T ceremony was not that great, but the reception was terrific.

What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. (Henny Youngman)

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. (Red Skelton)

If you think your marriage is perfect, you’re probably still at your reception. (Martha Bolton)

Thought for the Week

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ~ Rita Rudner

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Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny December 16, 2016 How to Confuse Santa

Friday Funny December 9, 2016 What Not to Buy This Christmas

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.” ~ Peg Bracken

Friday Funny December 2, 2016 For Your Holiday Viewing Pleasure

Friday Funny November 25, 2016 Thanksgiving

Friday Funny November 18, 2016 Feeling My Age

Friday Funny November 11, 2016 An Easy Quiz for Friday

Friday Funny November 4, 2016 Heading Home

Friday Funny October 28, 2016 Fifteen Signs You Are Too Old for “Trick or Treat”

Friday Funny October 21, 2016 Emails for the Trash Bin

Friday Funny October 14, 2016 Take My Jokes, Please!

Thought for the Week