Happy Friday!  I remember as a kid, back before ATM’s and 24 hour banking, going with my Dad to the Bank on Friday afternoons so he could deposit his paycheck.  The times have changed and banking has changed.  I have spent the last twenty plus years in and around banks.  So, I thought I would make a little funny deposit to start off the weekend.

Enjoy!

A man visits his bank manager and says, “How do I start a small business?” The manager replies, “Start a large one and wait six months.”

A young lady had just transferred to a new bank branch and was starting her new job. The branch manager was quite fond of literature and very well read.  He asked the young lady, “Do you know William Shakespeare?”  The young lady quickly replied, “No. Which branch does he work at?”

Did you hear about the banker who counted his money with his toes because he did not want any to slip through his fingers?

Did you hear about the foolish fellow who over drew his bank account? It seems he had no cents.

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try to remember the combination.

There was a banker who went sailing with a friend and fell overboard.  The friend quickly grabbed a life-preserver.  He held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, he shouted, “Can you float alone?”  “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

Thought for the Week

“It’s no trick to make a lot of money, if all you want to do is make a lot of money.” ~Everett Sloane, Citizen Kane

Happy Friday! Occasionally we all get  in a hurry and miss something that we should have caught: a misspelled word, a misplaced or missing comma, or even the use of the wrong word.  Sometimes these go unnoticed, other times they are captured for posterity on signs and on the internet.  Here are some signage mistakes that slipped past the proof readers.

Enjoy!

Illegally Parked Cars will be Fine

Violators Will Be Towed and Find $50

Employees Must Wash There Hands Before Returning To Work

Executive Bored Room

Hunters Please Use Caution When Hunting Pedestrians Using Walk Trail

We Except Outside Prescriptions

50% Off Rapping Paper

Hotel Sign – We Remember All Who Have Served Hot Breakfast

No Smoking Aloud

Please Slow Drively

Today, the Dining Room Closed at 6:00pm.  Sorry for Your Incontinence

If Door Doesn’t Close Properly, Giggle the Doorknob

Thought for the Week

One day, someone showed me a glass of water that was half full. And he said, “Is it half full or half empty?” So I drank the water. No more problem. ~Alexander Jodorowsky

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday!  It is a rough and dangerous world that we live in.  Who knows what might befall us around the next corner or with the next product that we purchase?  Thankfully, we have warning labels to keep us alert to the imminent dangers that await.  Here are some warnings that might not exactly be the most informative and useful.  

Enjoy!

“If you cannot read (…) warnings, do not use this product.” 

A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to “Remove child before folding.”

A snow blower warns, “Do not use snow thrower on roof.”

A container of underarm deodorant says, “Caution: Do not spray in eyes.”

A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner.”

A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns, “Not intended for highway use.”

A cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sun shield in place.”

A bathroom heater says, “This product is not to be used in bathrooms.”

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users, “May irritate eyes.”

“Use care when operating a car (…)” (on a bottle of DOG pills) 

“Do not drive car or operate machinery.” (on a bottle of CHILDREN’s cough medicine).

“Do not hold the wrong end of a chainsaw” 

A chainsaw manual provides the sage advice – “Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.”

“Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.” — On a novelty rock garden set called “Popcorn Rock.”

“Caution: Shoots rubber bands.” — On a product called “Rubber Band Shooter.”

“Warning: May contain small parts.” — On a Frisbee.

Thought for the Week

I am one of those people who just can’t help getting a kick out of life — even when it’s a kick in the teeth. ~Polly Adler

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday the 13th!  Hopefully you do not suffer from Triskaidekaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th.  This is a day just like any other day.  However, if you find any of the things below happening to you this day, you might want to just slow down and be extra careful,

Enjoy!

You finally receive a note from your crush and it is Restraining Order.

You switch to Nationwide only to discover that they are not on your side.

You find out that after planning you own birthday party, you are not invited to it.

You try to be cool and get hypothermia.

You run away from home with the family dog and only see posters for the dog.

You discover that your pet rock has run away.

You go to visit your parents only to discover that they have moved and not left a forwarding address.

You wake up to a bird singing outside your window and realize that it is a vulture.

Your twin sibling forgets your birthday.

You are halfway through your breakfast cereal when you realize the flakes are moving around the bowl on their own.

Thought for the Week

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. ~Steven Wright

Happy Friday!  This brings us to the close of one year and the promise of a new one. Thank you for joining me on my weekly journey to bring a little laughter your way and I hope you will continue on the journey through 2017.  Here are a few groaners to close out 2016.

Enjoy!

My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight.  One of the points of my diet is to stop eating poultry immediately, I am going cold turkey.

I was thinking about getting a nose job to kick off the new year, but I am not sure which one I should pick.

Did you know that Dr. Jekyll can’t drink his potion when he’s moving?  It would appear that he can run but he can’t Hyde.

Did you know that Shakespeare once sold camping gear at a reduced price during the off-season?  It seems it was his winter of discount tents.

Do you know which superhero has the most abstract thoughts?  It has to be Wonder Woman.

I made the mistake at a holiday party of getting into a discussion about perpetual motion, this guy just went on and on.

I have a wonderful pet penguin.  I was going to take him with me on an airplane, but they told me he couldn’t fly.

Last weekend I went to see a new horror movie about Legos, the suspense was building the whole time.

I went to the symphony and the conductor really wanted to look at the audience, but sometimes you just have to face the music.

Did you hear about the two florists who got married?  I heard it was arranged.

Did you hear about the two shoelaces that dated for years?  They finally decided that it was time to tie the knot.

I think one of the truly great inventions of my lifetime is the dry erase board, it really is remarkable.

Last year I decided I needed a new hobby, so I started studying moss.  It seems I’ve taken a lichen to it.

Thought for the Week

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson,