Happy Friday!  Congratulations you have made it through another week and you have earned these three free jokes at no cost and absolutely no obligation!  They are yours for free and are almost worth the price.

Enjoy!

Star of the Euphrates

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to get a loan.

Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”

“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the king protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!”

Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

William Tell

It is not widely know that evidence has been found that William Tell and his entire family were avid and quite accomplished bowlers. Unfortunately, all the families league records were destroyed in a fire, …and so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma was an inspirational figure and a renowned leader; however, he also had his peculiarities. He walked almost everywhere he went barefoot, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard. Plus he often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn’t on a hunger strike, he did not eat much which led to him becoming quite thin and frail. Because he didn’t eat much and what he did eat consisted of a rather peculiar diet, he developed a chronic case of very bad breath. He also was a very spiritual person. All these led to him becoming a super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

Thought for the Week

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday!  This weekend we celebrate Mother’s Day.  There are many, many things we learned from our Mother, but in case you have forgotten here are a few reminders.

Enjoy!

My mother taught me about RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me about IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My mother taught me about ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’ll be cold?”

My mother taught me about HUMOR.
“When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My mother taught me about WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

My mother taught me about SHARING.
” I’m going to give you a piece of my mind!”

My mother taught me to plan ahead.                                                                                                       “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!” 

My mother taught me about LOGIC.                                                                                                        “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.                                                                                           “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?” 

My mother taught me about JUSTICE.                                                                                            “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Thought for the Week

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. ~John J. Plomp

http://www.quotegarden.com

A couple lived near the ocean and enjoyed a daily walk along the beach. One day it occurred to them that there was a girl who was at the beach every time they were there. She wasn’t unusual, it was just that she was always there.  She walked along the beach carrying an ordinary travel bag.  However she would often approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

It seemed like most of the time, the person she spoke to would respond negatively and she would wander off.  Occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money then she would reach in her bag and give them something.  This aroused suspicion from the couple who wondered if perhaps she was selling drugs,  They debated calling the police, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her day after day.

This went on for a few weeks.  One day the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only approaches people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she added, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Perhaps we can find out what she’s really up to.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl walk over and talk to her husband and then leave. The man got up and walked up the beach to met his wife at the road.

“Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.

“No, she’s not selling drugs,” he said, perhaps enjoying stringing his wife along more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then!?” his wife almost screamed.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s a battery salesperson.”

“Batteries!?” cried the wife ……………………………………..

“Yes” he replied.  “Sally sells C cells by the Seashore.”

Thought for the Week

Always look on the bright side of life. Otherwise it’ll be too dark to read. ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com