Happy Friday and welcome to May!  I saw some news this week about the making of the next Star Wars  movie which reminded me that Sunday is 5/4/14.  So May the 4th be with you!

Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.

Q: Why did the Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.

Q: Where is Princess Leia’s favorite place for shopping?
A: The Darth Maul!

Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A: A Sith-Kabob!

Q: What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?
A: Wookieeleaks

Q: What do you call a bounty hunter from the South?
A: Bubba Fett

Q: What do Jedi use to view PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi

Q. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant when Luke was having trouble using chopsticks?
A. “Use the forks, Luke.”

Q. Why didn’t the pitcher from the forest moon of Endor stay on the baseball team?
A. ‘Ewoked every batter he faced

Q. Which Jedi Master became a pastry chef?
A. His name was Obi-wan Cannoli

Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he’s always making new friends!

Q. What do you get if you mix a fruit with a bounty hunter?
A. Mango Fett!

Q. Where do Gungans store pickles?
A. In Jar Jars.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
A. An ele-Vader.

Q. What do you call a Sith who is afraid of almost everything?
A. Sithy.

Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Argh2-D2

Q. Why didn’t Princess Leia have a boyfriend on her home planet?
A. Because she was looking for love in Alderaan places.

Thought for the Week
“No. Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda

It seems like Old Man Winter has finally packed his bags and left town.  As I look out at the world starting to turn green once again, it reminds me of all the work that needs to be done out-of-doors.  Alas, I have a brown thumb instead of a green thumb and things usually do not turn out well for me with lawns, flowers, fruits, and vegetables. If only I could grow green stuff in my garden as easily as I can grow it in my refrigerator.  I pulled my yard working jacket out of the closet only to find that I had left a packet of seeds in one of the pockets and it had turned into a giant Chia pet.  I told my wife it looked like it was time to get the lawn mower out and cut the grass but I was having a little trouble getting mowtivated.  She noted that I had a lot in common with a lawn mower, she said both were difficult to get started, smelled bad and only worked about half the time you wanted them to. However, I am a little excited about my new weed whacker, it is the latest in cutting-hedge technology.  But I keep trying; I guess I am learning by trowel and error.

I am a bit concerned about the increased number of night crawlers I have seen in my dirt; I suppose it is just another consequence of global worming.  I know this sounds kind of crazy, but I think someone is secretly adding soil to my garden, it is a certainly a mystery to me, the plot thickens.   I try not to say anything very sensitive while I am in the garden because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus I’ve got an ongoing problem with a mole; it seems he keeps passing on confidential information about my garden.

Last year all the vegetables had a race, it was close but the cabbage won by a head.  But it is not all fun and games in the garden, just like everywhere there are personal issues to deal with.  Last year two melons fell in love and wanted to get married, but they were too young so they cantaloupe. One day a guy walked up the gate of my garden and just picked up the garden gate walked off with it!  I was shocked but I thought it best not to say anything in case he took a fence

Gardening can take its toll on one’s health.  I once found myself in the doctor’s office with a parsnip in one ear, a carrot in the other and pole beans in my nostrils.  Exasperated, I asked the doctor, “What’s wrong with me doc?”  He told me that I needed to eat more sensibly.

Some days I picture myself as a real plant manager, but if I don’t get a raise in celery, I might just quit.  Gardening takes a lot of effort and patience; one cannot expect a bonsai tree to grow the miniature planting it.  Yet, some days I just lose track of time and my wife has to remind me when it is time to cummin.  How will this year’s garden turn out?  I suppose only thyme will tell.

Thought for the Week

A garden is always a series of losses set against a few triumphs, like life itself. ~May Sarton

http://www.quotegarden.com

Happy Friday! I hope you have had a good week up to this point.  

However, as a CPA, it is my duty to remind you that April 15 is almost here. This week my goal is to ease your pain just a tad. So, I have dug deep into the Internet to find some tax related quotations for you.

Enjoy!
Leonard

IT IS THAT TIME AGAIN!

It is income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. ~ Dave Barry

I’m proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. ~ Arthur Godfrey

People who complain about paying their income tax can be divided into two types: men and women. ~ anonymous

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. ~ Albert Einstein

The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. ~ George Bernard Shaw

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. ~ Will Rogers

Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them. ~ Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
~ Herman Wouk

Look at it this way: If you don’t spend your dollars on the IRS, you’d probably just squander it on foolish things, like food, rent. ~ Cindy Adams

The one difference between death and taxes is that death does not get worse every time Congress meets. ~ Jeffrey Fry

Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag. ~ Jay Leno

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income. ~ Alfred E. Neuman

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep.
~ Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest. ~ Bob Thaves

[The Internal Revenue Code is] about 10 times the size of the Bible and, unlike the Bible, contains no good news. ~ Don Nickles

I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I’m employed.
~ Nancie J. Carmody
Thought for the Week

“Love takes many forms, but none of them are tax forms.” ~ Jarod Kintz, Whenever You’re Gone, I’m Here For You

Happy Friday! Are you interested in making a little extra cash? Well here is a great tool, a do-it-yourself scam kit. Just check the appropriate boxes, send it to random email addresses, sit back and wait for the money to come in. It is guaranteed to work or double your money back (just remember it was free and two times zero is still zero!)

Enjoy!
Leonard

OPPORTUNITY IS KNOCKING!!

CONFIDENTIAL – DO NOT SHARE THIS WITH ANYONE

Dear Close Personal Friend Whom I Have Never Met,

Good day and compliments. No doubt this letter comes to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make might just determine the fate of the universe as we know it.

Please allow me to introduce myself.
_____ I am the wife of a very important Nigerian Official who has an extremely large amount of cash that I need to move out of the country and just need someone to help me.
_____ I am a very trustworthy representative from your bank. There has been a problem with your account and it would be my extreme pleasure to assist you.
_____ I am the person responsible for distributing lottery winnings from an international lottery. In a remarkable stroke of luck, although you have never purchased a ticket in this lottery, you have won!
_____ I want to buy your car and pay you five times what it is worth, I just need you to ship it to Outer Mongolia.
_____ I am the marketing director for a cruise line and I want to give you a free cruise! This is such a great deal that I cannot even tell you the destination or the name of the cruise line.
_____ I want to give you a high-paying/low effort job with our international finance division. It is so hard to find good help these days, but the fact that I found your email address shows you are just the right person for this job!
_____ I am a resident of a small village on the other side of the world that has been destroyed by a tsunami. Although everything in sight was leveled, I was fortunate enough to find the only working computer in a fifty mile radius, but my internet router escaped unscathed.

In exchange, I am willing to provide to you:
_____10,000,000 Vietnamese Dong
_____10,000,000 Indonesian Rupia
_____10,000,000 Colombian Pesos
_____ a very nice four slice toaster
_____ a coupon for a Big Mac

It is of critical importance that this matter be handled as expeditiously as possible. All I need to process this is for you to:

_____wire $250 to me to show you are a trustworthy but gullible person.
_____a list of all your credit cards including account number and expiration date – don’t forget those three numbers on the back of the card.
_____ship your car to Outer Mongolia
_____send me your contact information including social security number, all bank account numbers and all PIN numbers.
_____ mail me the box tops from three Kellogg cereals and a check for $2.50.

I implore you to respond to me post-haste. If I did not think you were an extraordinary person who could help me, I would not have chosen your email address at random from all the email addresses out there. This will be worth your effort, I promise and I have never lied to you.

Yours Sincerely

_____Dr. (Mrs.) Obi Won
_____Mr. Richie Rich
_____Mr. B. Shot, Esq., Partner in Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howell

 
Thought for the Week
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me. ~Fred Allen
http://www.quotegarden.com