Happy Friday! Every once in a while, it is good to pause, take a deep breath and ponder some deep thoughts.
Enjoy!
To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Either you like bacon or you are wrong.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.
If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?
Just because I wear a sandwich board doesn’t make me some kind of hero.
For me, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything I do.
I put out some Rat-B-Gon, but it doesn’t work. Not only isn’t the rat gone, it hasn’t even moved for the last two days.
I have CDO. It’s like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
There are two kinds of people: those that can count and those that can’t.
Remember Clones are people two.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
If it’s true that we are here to help ‘others’—then what exactly are the ‘others’ here for?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If a cow laughs hard enough, would milk come out her nose?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what’s the speed of dark?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
A day without sunshine is like – Night.
On the other hand – you have different fingers
97.2 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
The early bird may get the worm – but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
Don’t miss the donut by looking through the hole. ~Author Unknown
Happy Friday! We have reached Memorial Day Weekend and the unofficial start of summer. Amid the barbecues and picnics and pool parties this weekend, be sure to take time to reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day and the cost that many have paid so that we can have our freedom.
With summer upon us, let’s kick off the weekend with some summer jokes.
Enjoy!
Did you know that seashells stay clean by washing up on the beach?
Did you know that summer camp is hard for some people because it tends to be in tents?
Did you hear about watchmaker who went on vacation to unwind?
Did you hear about the professor who carefully waded into the pool because she wanted to test the water?
Did you know that ghosts go to the beach because they love to boo-gie board?
If you throw all your books into the ocean, would you get a title wave?
If cows stay out and get too much sun, would they give evaporated milk?
Would you call a crustacean that just lies on the beach all day a slobster?
I read about a sandwich maker who went to a summer camp to learn about condiments, it was a Mayo Clinic.
I read about a hipster who wore flannel in the summer because he wanted to wear it before it was cool.
I applied for a job at a sunscreen company. They rejected me, but I think I will reapply.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“A nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.” ~ Woodrow Wilson
Happy Friday! We are all dealing with higher gas prices these days, so we might as well get a laugh out of it.
Enjoy!
To fuel or not to fuel, that is the question.
Did you hear about the art thief whose van run out of gas when he tried to drive away from the museum? It seems he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
These gas prices have me feeling sick. I think I might have a case of the car-owner-virus
It is not often that I brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.
Today I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but since the price of gas is so high, I rode my stationery bike.
I went into a Speedway gas station this morning and asked for $3 worth of gas. The clerk handed me a bean burrito.
Apparently, I have been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo. It seems I won’t get fueled again.
I thought I was saving money by purchasing my gas at a self-service station. It turns out, I was only fueling myself.
While I was at the gas station, I thought about buying a salad. There were two choices: regular or unlettuced.
I thought about posting every gas pun I could find but I decided that would be very fuelish. Tank goodness I didn’t post them all.
Last week I came up with a joke about inflation. It’s not as funny today
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” ~ Edward Abbey
Happy Friday! Time flies, we are already a third of the way through 2026. As time moves faster and faster I realize that I am not as young as I used to be, in fact I have reached the age that….
Enjoy!
I have reached the age that I have started to spot gray hair – on my children.
I have reached the age where work is a lot of fun, and fun is a lot of work.
I have reached the age that I have looked for large print alphabet soup.
I have reached the age where I wonder how I can be over the hill when I don’t even remember being on top of it.
I have reached the age that I have been there and done that, but don’t remember what that was.
I have reached that age that people tell me how good I look for my age.
I have reached the age where I am a lot like a library. I have a lot of knowledge, but no one seems interested in checking it out.
I have reached the age where I do not argue, I just explain why I’m right and I have a lifetime of experience to back me up.
I have reached the age where I can’t decide if I have more patience or if I just don’t care anymore.
I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” ~ Will Rogers
