As Mark Twin once observed, “We are cursed to live in interesting times.”  Things lately have definitely gotten “interesting.”  It appears that the majority of us are sort of stuck at home for  the time being.  We might miss the interaction with other people that we were used to.  In our effort to fill that void there might be some help from an unlikely source – telemarketers. With  a little preparation you can turn what used to be an annoying interruption into a welcome diversion.

These days a ,lot of robocalls are so-called smart robocalls, they are setup to make you think that it is alive person on the other end; however it simply has built in responses to common questions.  “Is Betty there?” or “I was about to give up on someone answering” are a couple of ways these calls tend to start.  If I get one of these calls, I try to see how quickly I can ask questions that the program has no response for.  Asking “Who were you calling?” usually begins to send the program off track.  You could ask anything, the more offbeat the better.  The goal when you get one of these is to get the “recording” to hang up on you in three questions or less. 

The process is more challenging and potentially more fun when there is a real person that you are talking to.  Your options here are limited only by your imagination.  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Ask him/her if he/she has ever met Jake from State Farm and if he/she might be wearing khakis?

If you are asked “How are you today?” Say  “I’m so glad you asked because no one seems to understand me these days and then tell them, in minute detail, about your last trip to the grocery store.

If he/she states they are John/Joan Smith from Acme Company, ask them to spell their name.  Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is>> located.  Ask them how the weather is there, ask them if they can find toilet paper and bread at the grocery.  Ask them if they took their temperature before going to work.  Ask them if there is anyone within six feet. Keep asking questions as long as you get answers.

When they tell you their name, cry out in surprise, “John/Joan  Is that really you? Oh my goodness!  It certainly has been a long time!  Are the authorities still looking for you? 

If they say you qualify for a lower rate on your credit card, tell them that is great becasue you really do not have a clue what your balance is and you just throw the statements away when they come.   

Tell the telemarketer that with all this Covid-19 stuff going on, you are not suppossed to leave the house, so ask the telemarketer if you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they would swing by the grocery and bring you a few things.

Tell the him/her that at the moment you are working from home but if he/she will give you their HOME phone number, you will call back as soon as you are off work.

No matter what they say, insist that the caller is really your buddy Bill/Betty playing a  joke on you.“Come on Bill/Betty, cut it out!  Seriously, remember when we were in high school and used to make prank calls?”

If they say they are from Microsoft or Apple, tell them it is about time, you have been waiting for their call and make up questions around bogus tech lingo. “I think I got a faulty Flux Capacitors in my device. Should I swap out my old mother board for a new one with anamantium chips?”

Tell them that someone is at your door and ask “Can you hold on a minute?”  Walk a couple of feet away from the phone and then begin an argument with the fictitious visitor. Come back in a couple of minutes to see if they are still on the line. Repeat.

Every time you are asked a question or there is a pause in the conversation say, “I know who you are and I saw what you did.”

Tell the person that you are currently running for President and ask them if they would be willing to make a $25 donation to your campaign.