Happy Friday!  While the chill wind of winter still blows, we know that spring is just around the corner and as we come to the end of February, we come upon that bonus day of February 29th.  I thought it would be appropriate to share a little leap humor, unfortunately there is just much out there.  Apparently the end of February is just not very funny in any year.  So, I’ll share what I could find.  

I imagine everyone has seen those motivational posters that business like to hang in break rooms and other high traffic areas.  They try to inspire everyone to strive toward teamwork and excellence and customer service.  But have you ever seen de-motivational posters?  I share a few of my favorites below.  Here is a bonus de-motivator to get you stated for Leap Day – if you are on salary, Monday you get to work for free.

Enjoy!

LEAP DAY JOKES

What do athletes wear on Leap Day?                                             Jumpsuits.

Where do most people eat on Leap Day?                                       IHOP.

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?                     Hip Hop.

What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?                                 Hop In.

What is a frog’s favorite time of year?                                          Leap Day.

What do you call a surgery on Leap Day?                                    A hop-eration.

I wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day, but I decided to jump on the band wagon.

My coworker was fired on Leap Day, apparently he picked the wrong time to jump off the deep end.

SOME SLOGANS THAT WILL PROBABLY NOT BE APPEARING IN A BREAK ROOM NEAR YOU

KNOWLEDGE – I believe that children are our future.  And that terrifies me.

MEETINGS – None of us is as dumb as all of us.

GOVERNMENT – If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.

CONSULTING – If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

FORESIGHT – Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those busy proving them right.

UNDERACHIEVEMENT – Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.

INSIGNIFICANCE – If you think it’s lonely at the top, just wait ‘til you try the bottom.

SANITY – Minds are like parachutes.  Just because you’ve lost yours doesn’t mean you can borrow mine.

MULTITASKING – The art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.

For more de-motivational ideas visit – http://despair.com/

Thought for the Week

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~C.S. Lewis

http://quoategarden.com

Happy Friday!  We are now one full week into 2016.  A new year always brings new hopes and often predictions as we look to the future.  More often than not these predictions end up missing the mark by a little or by a lot.  Here are a few past predictions for you to ponder in the early days of this new year.

Enjoy!

“Everyone’s always asking me when Apple will come out with a cell phone. My answer is, ‘Probably never.'”—David Pogue, The New York Times, 2006

“Two years from now, spam will be solved.”—Bill Gates, 2004

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” —Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” –Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

“But what … is it good for?” –Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM 1968, commenting on the microchip.

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” –Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

 “There is practically no chance communications space satellites will be used to provide better telephone, telegraph, television or radio service inside the United States.”—T.A.M. Craven, Federal Communications Commission commissioner (1961)

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” — Bill Gates, 1981

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” –Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.  

 “Television won’t be able to hold onto any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.”—Darryl Zanuck, 20th Century Fox, 1946

 “Rail travel at high-speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia.” –Dr Dionysys Larder (1793-1859)

“Taking the best left-handed pitcher in baseball and converting him into a right fielder is one of the dumbest things I ever heard.” — Tris Speaker, baseball hall of famer, talking about Babe Ruth, 1919

“If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” –W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954.

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” –Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

Thought for the Week

So, hope-lit New Year, with thy joys uncertain,
Whose unsolved mystery none may foretell,
I calmly trust my God to lift thy curtain:
Safe in his love, for me ’twill all be well.
~Julia B. Cady (d.1869), “New-Year Thoughts,” in Sabbath at Home, January 1870

http://www.quotegarden.com

Welcome to 2016!  Another year full of opportunity and possibility.  Here is wishing you the best for the coming year.  

One of the staples of year-end is the countdown:  the top stories of the year, the top songs of the year and so forth.  So, I thought why not the top jokes of the year?  Unfortunately I don’t have that list, but here is “a list” of ten jokes.

Enjoy!

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?  They don’t meet the koalafications.

I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”  I said, “I don’t care what astrological sign it is.”

How did the hipster burn his mouth?  He ate the pizza before it was cool.

What’s a pirates favorite letter?  You think it’s R but it be the C.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.  That’s just how I roll.

How do you make an egg-roll? You push it!

What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop?  Shoe!!

What do you do when you see a spaceman? PARK YOUR CAR, MAN

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘LOST DOG’. You probably saw our posters.

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Leonard,” he said, “but over the last 8 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

Thought for the Week

Be at War with your Vices, at Peace with your Neighbours, and let every New-Year find you a better Man. ~Quoted in Benjamin Franklin’s 1755 Poor Richard’s Almanac, December

http://www.quotegarden.com